The Unrequited

by Saffron A. Kent

Hadley has become a better Mom. She holds Nicky now. Sometimes she even puts him to sleep. She still gets afraid, looks to me when he cries or when he needs something. But I know, I know she’ll get the hang of it. Her depression almost took her away but she’s getting better.

“You need to do the right thing too. All these months, you’ve been there for me. But now, you need to be there for yourself, and for her. Layla.”

I let go of Hadley and sit back. Touching her while thinking of Layla seems wrong, although it’s tame in comparison to the sins I’ve already committed.

But I won’t. I won’t be an easy person ever again. I won’t. I won’t.

I stop breathing. His fingers are naked. He doesn’t have a wedding ring on. I know he never takes it off. Never. Not once have I ever seen him without it.

Thomas must see the distress on my face because he moves forward, reaching out his free hand, but I move away from him. My feet step back and he flinches.

“A lover is the one who waits,” he paraphrases. “Then, I’ll wait. Forever.”

I’ve been working on a collection about Nicky. It helps me deal with things that happened. I don’t know where Hadley is. She left, just like she said she would. All I can wish is that she finds the peace she’s looking for. Maybe one day she’ll be back and Nicky can meet her. But until then, I’ll tell him stories about his mom.

Bravery is like falling in love. You don’t know if the person will reciprocate, but still you fall. Bravery is waiting for my Layla. I couldn’t ask her to love me back then. It wouldn’t have been fair. She’d already given me too much, and in return, I’d hurt her too much. So I told her I’d wait, and since then, I’ve been waiting. Fall has become winter now.

She’d play with Nicky, give him hats, laugh with him, teach him words. And I’d be torn between laughing at her antics and shaking her, begging her to love me back.

Endless nights when I think about her, and then break down and call her. In the beginning, she ignored my calls, until one day she picked up, but the conversation was halting. It took days of my coaxing before she finally started to open up, and I realized how fucking hard it must have been for her when I refused to give in and talk to her.

I never even knew I had this many words in me. I never knew I could wait for someone like this. Until Layla.

I don’t know why I even thought for a second that she wouldn’t love Nicky or think he’d be a burden. She loves him. It’s the little things she does for him, how she brings him hats, how she always makes a point to say goodnight to him on the phone, if she’s not here.

She isn’t giving me her story. She is giving me her heart.