The Odyssey

by Homer

In The Odyssey, to be “doglike” does not usually connote this kind of malice or cruelty (which is why “bitch” would be a misleading translation). Instead, it suggests an insistent drive, to be fed or satisfied or noticed, which is impatient and oblivious to social cues and constraints.

This actually describes my neighbor's dog Boobie.

“Poor man! Why does enraged Poseidon create an odyssey of pain for you?

She said the thing!

a dreadful belching.

Oh, was my grandpa there?

Your clothes are lying there in dirty heaps,

Same.

And that man will be luckiest by far, who takes you home with dowry, as his bride. I have seen no one like you. Never, no one.160 My eyes are dazzled when I look at you.

If a naked guy said this to me, I would not want to talk to him.

My height is normal. I look like a human.

That's what an alien would say.

Strong Polyphemus from inside replied, ‘My friends! Noman is killing me by tricks, not force.’ Their words flew back to him: ‘If no one hurts you, you are all alone:410

Homer must have had children because this is an A+ dad joke.

They brought the din of dreadful raging war to the immortal gods and tried to set Ossa and Pelion—trees, leaves and all— on Mount Olympus, high up in the sky.

Yo dawg, I heard you like mountains, so I tried to put two mountains on your mountain.

This is not worse than the time the Cyclops captured us,210 and forced us to remain inside his cave. We got away that time, thanks to my skill and brains and strategy.

You're also the one who got them into that situation.

I hate like Hades’ gates the man who caves to poverty, and starts to lie.

Unlike Odysseus, who lies as a hobby.

Odysseus ripped off his rags. Now naked, he leapt upon the threshold with his bow and quiverfull of arrows, which he tipped out in a rush before his feet, and spoke.

What a weird time to get naked.