Uninvited: Living Loved When You Feel Less Than, Left Out, and Lonely

by Lysa TerKeurst

In this sideline, set-apart place, God will give you special wisdom you’ll need for the next assignment.

In this sideline, set-apart place, God will give you special wisdom you’ll need for the next assignment.

If God is good like we talked about in chapter 2, why isn’t He being good to me in this?

If God is good like we talked about in chapter 2, why isn’t He being good to me in this?

Every one of these statements minimized God and maximized my weaknesses. That’s not how we are supposed to think. We are supposed to maximize God, which keeps our weaknesses in perspective.

Every one of these statements minimized God and maximized my weaknesses. That’s not how we are supposed to think. We are supposed to maximize God, which keeps our weaknesses in perspective.

If we allow our thoughts to stink, that smell will leak out of every bit of us—our words, our actions, and especially our reactions.

If we allow our thoughts to stink, that smell will leak out of every bit of us—our words, our actions, and especially our reactions.

we can’t walk in victory while wallowing in thoughts of defeat and rejection.

we can’t walk in victory while wallowing in thoughts of defeat and rejection.

I asked Him to help others succeed. “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others” (Philippians 2:4 ESV).

When she does well, we all do well. All tides rise when we see a sister making this world a better place with her gifts. When I started believing this, my scarcity thinking started turning into abundance.

When she does well, we all do well. All tides rise when we see a sister making this world a better place with her gifts. When I started believing this, my scarcity thinking started turning into abundance.

The enemy loves to take our rejection and twist it into a raw, irrational fear that

The enemy loves to take our rejection and twist it into a raw, irrational fear that

Today’s disappointment is making room for tomorrow’s appointment.

Today’s disappointment is making room for tomorrow’s appointment.

It was a mercy ruin. It’s easy for us to focus on the ruin. But look for His mercy in the midst of it. In the mercy we’ll find the protection. In the mercy you can see things falling into place rather than falling apart.

It was a mercy ruin. It’s easy for us to focus on the ruin. But look for His mercy in the midst of it. In the mercy we’ll find the protection. In the mercy you can see things falling into place rather than falling apart.

Into that space of not understanding, we simply must state, “God, I don’t understand this situation. But I do understand Your goodness to me. I thank You for the protection that is part of this rejection even when I can’t see it. I trust You.”

Into that space of not understanding, we simply must state, “God, I don’t understand this situation. But I do understand Your goodness to me. I thank You for the protection that is part of this rejection even when I can’t see it. I trust You.”

“What” questions increase our ability to become more self-aware, while “why” questions only focus on things out of our control.

“What” questions increase our ability to become more self-aware, while “why” questions only focus on things out of our control.

Questions I’ve found helpful: What is one good thing I’ve learned from this? What was a downside to this situation that I can be thankful is no longer my burden to carry? What were the unrealistic expectations I had, and how can I better manage these next time? What do I need to do to boost my courage to pursue future opportunities? What is one positive change I could make in my attitude about the future? What are some lingering negative feelings about this situation that I need to pray through and shake off to be better prepared to move forward? What is one thing God has been asking me to do today to make tomorrow easier?

Questions I’ve found helpful: What is one good thing I’ve learned from this? What was a downside to this situation that I can be thankful is no longer my burden to carry? What were the unrealistic expectations I had, and how can I better manage these next time? What do I need to do to boost my courage to pursue future opportunities? What is one positive change I could make in my attitude about the future? What are some lingering negative feelings about this situation that I need to pray through and shake off to be better prepared to move forward? What is one thing God has been asking me to do today to make tomorrow easier?

Wisdom makes decisions today that will still be good for tomorrow. Don’t let today’s reaction become tomorrow’s regret.

Wisdom makes decisions today that will still be good for tomorrow. Don’t let today’s reaction become tomorrow’s regret.

It’s not bad that I’m vulnerable, but am I displaying a mature form of my vulnerability?

It’s not bad that I’m vulnerable, but am I displaying a mature form of my vulnerability?

The emotions that feel so intense today will ease up over time as long as we let them.

The emotions that feel so intense today will ease up over time as long as we let them.

If we give it the power to define us, it will haunt us long-term. But if we only allow it enough power to refine us, the hurt will give way to healing.

If we give it the power to define us, it will haunt us long-term. But if we only allow it enough power to refine us, the hurt will give way to healing.

“Lord, give them enough hurts to keep them human and enough failures to keep their hands clenched tightly in Yours.”

“Lord, give them enough hurts to keep them human and enough failures to keep their hands clenched tightly in Yours.”

Do not let the heartbreak you have experienced be wasted. God is still with you. His promises still stand. Soak in His truths and let them seep into the deepest places of your heart rubbed raw with uncertainty.

Do not let the heartbreak you have experienced be wasted. God is still with you. His promises still stand. Soak in His truths and let them seep into the deepest places of your heart rubbed raw with uncertainty.

Lies flee in the presence of truth.

Lies flee in the presence of truth.

Is my attention being held by something sacred or something secret?

Is my attention being held by something sacred or something secret?

Pornography, sex outside of marriage, trading your character to claw your way to a position of power, fueling your sense of worth with your child’s successes, and spending outside of your means to constantly dress your life in the next new thing—all things we do to counteract feelings of being left out of and not invited to the good things God has given others—these are just some of the ways lust sneaks in and wreaks havoc.

Pornography, sex outside of marriage, trading your character to claw your way to a position of power, fueling your sense of worth with your child’s successes, and spending outside of your means to constantly dress your life in the next new thing—all things we do to counteract feelings of being left out of and not invited to the good things God has given others—these are just some of the ways lust sneaks in and wreaks havoc.

You are more susceptible to Satan’s schemes when you are feeling rejected. Emotional pain will scream for relief, and it’s so easy to start justifying thoughts and actions outside God’s will.

You are more susceptible to Satan’s schemes when you are feeling rejected. Emotional pain will scream for relief, and it’s so easy to start justifying thoughts and actions outside God’s will.

If I want God to be my focus, I must give Him my first thoughts. And if I want my mind to be at peace when I sleep I must keep my thoughts fixed on His promises at night … whether I’m in a tent on the African plain or not.

If I want God to be my focus, I must give Him my first thoughts. And if I want my mind to be at peace when I sleep I must keep my thoughts fixed on His promises at night … whether I’m in a tent on the African plain or not.

What happened yesterday can’t be changed, but it can be forgiven. That’s your miracle in the mess.

What happened yesterday can’t be changed, but it can be forgiven. That’s your miracle in the mess.

The voices of condemnation, shame, and rejection can come at you, but they don’t have to reside in you.

The voices of condemnation, shame, and rejection can come at you, but they don’t have to reside in you.

Remember: The pain isn’t the enemy. Pain is the indicator that brokenness exists. Pain is the reminder that the real enemy is trying to take us out and bring us down by keeping us stuck in broken places. Pain is the gift that motivates us to fight with brave tenacity and fierce determination knowing there’s healing on the other side.

Remember: The pain isn’t the enemy. Pain is the indicator that brokenness exists. Pain is the reminder that the real enemy is trying to take us out and bring us down by keeping us stuck in broken places. Pain is the gift that motivates us to fight with brave tenacity and fierce determination knowing there’s healing on the other side.

I’ve also worked ridiculous hours, not to be more productive but to hide behind accomplishments.

I’ve also worked ridiculous hours, not to be more productive but to hide behind accomplishments.

Numbing the pain never goes to the source of the real issue to make us healthier. It only silences our screaming need for help.

Numbing the pain never goes to the source of the real issue to make us healthier. It only silences our screaming need for help.

If we avoid the hurt, the hurt creates a void in us. It slowly kills the potential for our hearts to fully feel, fully connect, fully love again. It allows the rejection of a person to steal the best potential from every other relationship we desperately want and need.

If we avoid the hurt, the hurt creates a void in us. It slowly kills the potential for our hearts to fully feel, fully connect, fully love again. It allows the rejection of a person to steal the best potential from every other relationship we desperately want and need.

Fear can’t catch what it can no longer reach.

Fear can’t catch what it can no longer reach.

People can’t fix from the outside a perspective that needs to be rewired on the inside.

People can’t fix from the outside a perspective that needs to be rewired on the inside.

Rejection has long ties pulling the pain of yesterday into the situations of today. What felt hopeless yesterday will feed a hopelessness into today unless we cut those ties.

Rejection has long ties pulling the pain of yesterday into the situations of today. What felt hopeless yesterday will feed a hopelessness into today unless we cut those ties.

One step at a time. With the full assurance God is okay with me even when I’m not okay with me. And I realize, I can’t hold on to the desire to run and at the same time go where God wants to lead me.

One step at a time. With the full assurance God is okay with me even when I’m not okay with me. And I realize, I can’t hold on to the desire to run and at the same time go where God wants to lead me.

Heartbreaking seasons can certainly grow me but were never meant to define me.

Heartbreaking seasons can certainly grow me but were never meant to define me.

It is a lengthy process to be cured of bitterness and prepared for usefulness. If we are to escape the natural bitterness of the human heart, we have to go through a long process as well … the process of being cured.

It is a lengthy process to be cured of bitterness and prepared for usefulness. If we are to escape the natural bitterness of the human heart, we have to go through a long process as well … the process of being cured.

When the sorrowful winds of the east blow, I forget they are necessary. When I’m being processed, I forget it’s for the sake of ridding me of bitterness. And when I’m being crushed, I forget it’s for the sake of my preservation.

When the sorrowful winds of the east blow, I forget they are necessary. When I’m being processed, I forget it’s for the sake of ridding me of bitterness. And when I’m being crushed, I forget it’s for the sake of my preservation.

On the other side of the harsh wind is fruit. On the other side of the process of being broken and waiting is a useful heart free of bitterness. On the other side of being pressed and crushed is oil … the most valuable part of me set free to emerge.

On the other side of the harsh wind is fruit. On the other side of the process of being broken and waiting is a useful heart free of bitterness. On the other side of being pressed and crushed is oil … the most valuable part of me set free to emerge.

The spotlight never fixes our insecurities. It only magnifies what we thought popularity would cover up.

The spotlight never fixes our insecurities. It only magnifies what we thought popularity would cover up.

If we think lesser things can truly satisfy, we’ll forever chase the wind.

If we think lesser things can truly satisfy, we’ll forever chase the wind.

We’re forever out of breath in hot pursuit of becoming someone we perceive we need to be:

We’re forever out of breath in hot pursuit of becoming someone we perceive we need to be:

Overcoming rejection can never be dependent on overcoming a perceived obstacle. “I want that, and if I get it, life will be great.” No. Oh, God, cripple the part of our hearts that dares misguide us with this thinking.

Overcoming rejection can never be dependent on overcoming a perceived obstacle. “I want that, and if I get it, life will be great.” No. Oh, God, cripple the part of our hearts that dares misguide us with this thinking.