For the Love: Fighting for Grace in a World of Impossible Standards

by Jen Hatmaker

If a sermon promises health and wealth to the faithful, it isn’t true, because that theology makes God an absolute monster who only blesses rich westerners and despises Christians in Africa, India, China, South America, Russia, rural Appalachia, inner-city America, and everywhere else a sincere believer remains poor. If it isn’t also true for a poor single Christian mom in Haiti, it isn’t true.

It lends restraint when declaring what God does or does not think, because sometimes my portrayal of God’s ways sounds suspiciously like the American Dream and I had better check myself.

Kindness. This pulls right to the front. Dad and I have lived half our lives or so, and we’ve known every type of person. The ones that shine outstanding in our memories are the kind ones. We so deeply want you to be tender toward people. Empathizing is key to a wholehearted life. I pray for your kindness more than your success, because the latter without the former is a tragedy. God measures our entire existence by only two things: how we love Him and how we love people. If you get this right, you can get a million other things wrong.

If you learn to be true in childhood, you will bypass the devastating “undoing” so many endure later. You won’t have to reinvent, reimagine, or rediscover who you are in your twenties, when you are making the most important decisions of your life (a terrible time for an identity crisis).

This is not an easy path, Lovies. Jesus went to hard places and did hard things; He loved folks everyone else hated or despised.

So those are my dreams for you: Be kind. Be you. Love Jesus.

A quick investigation reveals common objections to church: • Its emphasis on morality and voting records over matters like justice and transformation • A me-and-mine stance against you-and-yours • A defensive posture, treating unchurched or dechurched people like adversaries • An opposition to science • Its consumerism • Its group hostility toward the gay community • An arrogance rather than humility

The next generation is screaming, “We can’t find God in church! How does God work in the broken places? Why are Christians so mean and scared and defensive? Where is the ‘good news’ part? Why does the church spend so much money on itself? Why do believers insist on Jesus being in the White House when He spent His time with lepers? If He didn’t redeem the world on the throne, then why would He do it now? Why does so much Christianity smack of power and aggression when Jesus was humble and subversive?”

Make this a family priority. Teach them: This is how we love, this is where we spend our dollars, this is how we serve our city.

Finally, let’s give them substance. When young adults between ages eighteen and thirty-five were polled nationwide and asked, “What would draw you or keep you at a church?” they listed the following four tenets: 1.) community, 2.) social justice, 3.) depth, and 4.) mentorship.3 A youth group culture geared toward entertainment is not working. Face it: We cannot out-entertain the world. If discipleship programs hinge on amusement, they’ll come now but won’t stay later. Why would they? Believe it or not, kids crave depth. They want to grapple with theology. They are malnourished from too much spiritual soda pop, and they want wine. By attempting to attract them with cultural relevance, the church accidentally became irrelevant—like when parents try to be cool. Turns out they don’t want their parents to be cool. They just want them to be parents who don’t woo their loyalty and coddle their feelings. Real parents say, “Get out of bed and do your chores.” Because they are preparing their kids to grow up one day.

There is a reason He created community and told us to practice grace and love and camaraderie and presence. People soften the edges and fill in the gaps. Friends make up some of the best parts of the whole story.

Maybe just start looking around. Let’s not overcomplicate this. Who lives nearby? Who is new to town? Who seems interesting or funny or smart or silly? Who is in your stage of life? Who could use a warm bowl of soup and cornbread? Who is lonely? If you’re super nervous, invite two friends or two couples over for a buffer to avoid potential awkward grenades. You might enjoy pitch-perfect chemistry and blaze into your second date, but if not, you still provided a safe, warm place for someone to be welcomed. That is good work.

Anytime the rich and poor combine, we should listen to whoever has the least power. Rich people are conditioned to assess the world through our privileges. The powerful tend to discredit or ignore the marginalized perspective because we can. We are shielded from the effects of a lopsided equation; we reap the benefits not the losses.

Remember the poor are capable, smart, actual people, and treat them with the respect they deserve. Battle every patronizing, pitying thought that robs them of humanity.

When church is less like a family and more like an enterprise, its leaders act less like pastors and more like commanders.

Life is convoluted but the kingdom is simple. We overcomplicate the ways of Jesus. Love God, love people. Act justly, love mercy, walk humbly. Treat people as you want to be treated. If you want to be great, be a servant.

I also suspect “getting it all right” isn’t God’s highest order. The Bible constantly elevated love over knowledge, mercy over sacrifice.