For the Love: Fighting for Grace in a World of Impossible Standards

by Jen Hatmaker

I recently discovered that some of my “quirks” are actually introverted propensities. I had no idea! When I read Susan Cain’s Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, I felt diagnosed for the first time in my life. Experiencing sensory overload and crowd aversion (a conundrum for a public speaker), having homebody tendencies, loathing small talk, feeling social anxiety, multitasking poorly, and having an overactive conscience . . . these mark the introvert, and the full checklist applies to me. Two years ago, I confessed online to hiding in the bathroom like a weirdo (again) before speaking at a conference, and someone asked if I was an introvert. Of course not, I said. I love people! I speak in front of crowds! I have a big personality! I’m not shy! Something is just wrong with me, that’s all. A reader put Quiet in my hands and it was like looking in a mirror. Every tendency came into focus. I’d just never read the research. It was terribly liberating, because I quit trying to overcome my personality. The ugly self-talk stopped and I gave myself permission for quiet and silence and privacy. I finally acknowledged my social limits and decided there was no shame in protecting my energy since I just have a lower threshold. (My friend Sarah is a classic extrovert, and she bounds out of bed every day thinking, Is everyone already awake? Did they go to brunch without me? Did I miss a conversation? Who else can join us? Bless.) I am a high-functioning i...