High Performance Habits: How Extraordinary People Become That Way

by Brendon Burchard

Stop producing outputs that don’t make your soul sing.

no one wants to work with a boss who can’t see beyond himself.

The only way to influence another person is to first relate with them and then help raise their ambition to think better, do better, or give more.

Influence is strongly correlated with feeling like you’re making a difference.

“having influence” as the ability to shape other people’s beliefs and behaviors as you desire.

One reason people struggle to gain influence in their personal and professional lives is that they simply don’t ask for what they want. This is, in part, because people drastically underestimate the willingness of others to engage and help.

Part of gaining influence is simply learning to make a lot of requests and getting better at making those requests (which comes only with practice).

leaders who ask questions and get those around them to brainstorm the path ahead are more effective than “dictator” leaders who just push their demands and requests on others.

Burnout is more an issue of poor energy management and low clarity than of overgiving.

Be grateful for people. Just by offering gratitude, you can more than double the likelihood that those receiving your appreciation will help you again in the future.

To gain influence with others, (1) teach them how to think about themselves, others, and the world; (2) challenge them to develop their character, connections, and contributions; and (3) role model the values you wish to see them embody.

When people complain, be they children or our peers at work, we have an extraordinary opportunity to direct their thinking.

Turning adversity into a good time is one of life’s highest arts, and Mom and Dad were good at it.

watched people treat my dad terribly. But I also watched his responses. He rarely let them throw him off. He would handle conflict situations at work with grace and aplomb.

with patience, grace, and humor, people could open up, change, and be friendly.

“The most important thing is to try and inspire people so that they can be great in whatever they want to do.” —Kobe Bryant

High performers challenge the people around them to rise to higher levels of performance themselves.

People are afraid to challenge others. It sounds confrontational. It sounds as though it might make people push back, feel inadequate, or ask, “Who the hell do you think you are?” But this isn’t about confrontation. It’s about issuing subtle or direct positively framed challenges to motivate others to excel.

if your intentions are clearly to help someone grow and become better, and you speak to them with respect and honor, then your challenges will inspire better action.

That’s how you know you’re working with a high performing leader: They’ll meet you where you are, speak your language, ask you to help move the entire team toward a better future, in your own unique way.

Mark Twain said, “Never let school get in the way of an education.”

What made her so remarkable? It comes down to three things: She taught us how to think. She challenged us. And she role modeled the way to influence a team to perform with excellence.

high performers is that they think about it much more often and specifically in relation to how they are seeking to influence others.

What makes them high performers is the laser-focused intention on how they can act in a way that gets someone to improve who they are, or achieve a specific result.

manipulators burn all bridges and find themselves disconnected, unsupported, alone. They find no long-term success with relationships or their own well-being. If they achieve any success, it’s built on deceit and discord and poisonous energy.

When Washington crossed the ice-clogged Delaware River to attack a superior force, that was courage. When astronauts piloted a capsule into the great darkness between Earth and the moon, that was courage. When Rosa Parks refused to give up her seat and sparked the Civil Rights movement, that was courage! Maybe

the kinds of courageous acts that you are proud of at the end of your life are those where you faced uncertainty and real risk, where the stakes mattered, when you did something for a cause or person beyond yourself, without any assurance of safety, reward, or success.

Good coaches, I remind myself, show up open.

individuals who have developed greater courage in life also tend to have more clarity, energy, necessity, productivity, and influence. Courage can revolutionize your life, just as it did for Sandra. In fact, our coaching interventions suggest that demonstrating courage is the cornerstone habit of high performance.

Courage is more like a skill, since anyone can learn it.3 And once you understand and demonstrate it more consistently, everything changes.

for someone to demonstrate courage, these things are likely present: risk, fear, and a good reason to act.

Do no harm is an important concept in courage.

Doing nothing when you’re expected to can be courageous

You are capable of remarkable things that you could never foretell and will never discover without taking action.

you’ve quit on your dream, and your heart still longs for its achievement, only action will remedy the suffering. It’s never too late to change course.

We’re less courageous as a society today because we avoid struggle, and that decision leaves us with underdeveloped character and strength—two key ingredients for courage.

we’re ever going to develop the strength that courage requires, we’ll have to get better at dealing with life’s basic challenges. We’ll have to stop getting so annoyed and start seeing the struggle as part of growing our character. We must learn to honor the struggle.

Meeting struggle with poise and dignity got you respect. It made you a leader.

There are supposed to be lows, and there are supposed to be highs, so that we may experience the full range of what it is to be human, knowing both joy and despair, loss and triumph.

Our spirits soar when we feel unencumbered by fear or the weight of conformity.

Showing the world who you are, authentically and unapologetically, brings a great deal of risk. People often talk about that—how they want to be real, but doing so invites so much judgment or rejection. They’re worried that if people could see who they really are, the show would be over. They wouldn’t measure up to others’ expectations.

No one can minimize your self-image but you.

holding back will weigh on your mind and your life with stresses you may not see for a long time. It will cheat the people around you from ever discovering your true beauty and abilities. Worse, it will prevent the right people from coming into your life.

Superiority has no positive connotation in a healthy mind.

You just feel so much more capable or accomplished than others that, in your mind, there is you at the top and then everyone else.

All isolation is ultimately self-imposed.

You can’t maximize your potential while minimizing others.

Don’t judge others as below you or separate from you. Your frustration with people is coming from a forgetfulness that almost everyone could succeed at a higher level if they had more exposure, training, practice, and access to excellence-driven mentors, coaches, or role models. Remember, everything is trainable.

Seeking excellence and experiencing satisfaction are not mutually exclusive.

People who feel a sense of play, not dissatisfaction, perform better in almost every field of endeavor. Play is not indulgent; it’s crucial to creativity, health, healing, and happiness.17 Flow and play are gateways to mastery. So don’t fret. You won’t lose passion by feeling better.