Barbarian's Rescue (Ice Planet Barbarians, #14)

by Ruby Dixon

To say that I fail at small talk is like saying Superman dislikes kryptonite.

Ah, Warrek. The person I am least like in the entire tribe. I’ve never met anyone so quiet. It’s like he’s got something against noise of any kind. He doesn't make a sound when he walks, always choosing his steps carefully.

I never thought I was much of a people person…but I’m definitely not a silence person.

Words cost nothing. Why be so stingy with them? It also makes me grumpy that Taushen abandoned us the moment we set off. As soon as he heard Brooke bailed out, he shut down and took off on his own. I realize Brooke is prettier and has bigger boobs than me, but damn. I like to think that I’m friendly enough that I’m not going to make hanging out with me that miserable. Now I’m stuck with Tall, Blue and Silent in a cave that feels like a sauna, full of fruit that I’m picking instead of eating. On an ice planet in the middle of nowhere. With zero conversation. This must be what hell is like.

It’s no secret that the reason we were brought here to the ice planet—or as I like to call it, Human Popsicle Planet—because the single hunters of the tiny tribe were in need of girlfriends. Mates, they say, like that makes it sound better. Thing is, they got the short end of the stick when it comes to me. I’m smart—book smart. I’m also a huge wimp, a worrywart, clumsy, unathletic, and I don’t know how to shut up. Which, I suppose, would be fantastic if one of the guys here was looking for a woman who’s completely useless and doesn’t know when to shut up. But they’re not.

I should have known that even on a planet starving for women, I’d be passed over. Story of my life.

All the clever thoughts that move through my head in quiet moments are gone, and I can only stare blankly at the sky, then down at her. Suh-mer wants answers, and I have none. Nor am I good at reassuring a female. I have never had a mate, nor a pleasure-mate in my furs. I do not know how to rid her of the worry in her gaze. I know how to fish, how to hunt, how to skin. I do not know how to talk to a female.

Out of all the humans, I find her appearance the most pleasing. It is not that I do not understand, though. It is that she talks. A lot. As a hunter—and now as a teacher of hunters—I must by necessity be quiet. Even the most foolish of game animals will be chased off by lips that cannot stay together. Suh-mer does not understand this. She talks. And talks. And talks. But the things she says are fascinating. It is as if her mind cannot stop on one subject, so she must discuss all of them.

I’m in charge of step one. I have no idea what to do for step one. But I’m not going to let that stop me. We need a plan, and even a terrible one is still better than no plan.

was hot, but I didn’t think…” “You did what you felt you must,” Warrek says softly. “It was very brave.” “I probably look awful,” I whisper, grabbing a handful of snow and holding it to my cheeks. “You look very brave.” I snort. “That’s polite-speak for awful. You can tell me the truth, Warrek. Now’s not the time to sugar-coat anything. Though I guess here it’d be snow-coat, since there’s no sugar. Or if there is, you guys have been holding out on us. Not that I think you would, of course, but if it were me, and a bunch of strangers started to live in my city, I’d probably hide my valuables, too—” “Your face is very appealing,” he says in that low, calm voice. “Eyebrows do not change that. They only tell me that you are brave to risk yourself.”

Even if the prey is down, that does not mean it is not dangerous. It only means I have the advantage.

Ugh, if I were a dude, I’d be such a creep. I kind of hate myself right now.

She kissed me. Pressed her mouth to mine in the bizarre human custom that I have never understood. Now I understand it. And now I wish I had kissed her back.

“How old are you?” she asks. “I’m curious.” “Fifty-six seasons.” Suh-mer sputters. “You what?” “Our kind is very long-lived.” “God, I guess so. You don’t look like a silver fox to me.” She leans in and tweaks a few strands of my hair. “No grays yet.” I smile. “I will not become gray for another fifty seasons I imagine.”

Our focus needs to be on rescuing the others. But once they are safe, I will let Suh-mer know she is to be mine. Even if all of the humans were not mated, she would be the one I would choose. Her face, her form, and, most of all, her mind all appeal to me greatly. I will wait for resonance no more.

I don’t want him to think I’m a wuss. I mean, I am a wuss, I just don’t want him to think it.

“If we survive this night, I am claiming you as my pleasure-mate.” I gasp. “You—you what? You are?” He nods. “You will show me this kiss with tongue, and I will take you to my furs and make you mine. I have decided.” “Decided?” I echo, stunned. I can still feel the light brush of his lips against mine. “Yes. You are my opponent, and I am going to take control of your board.” That’s the sexiest, most bizarre thing I’ve ever heard. Now how am I supposed to concentrate?

I race forward, yelling and shooting, and it takes me a few seconds to realize that the alien isn’t all that far away and I’ve somehow managed to run straight at him. And now I’m on him. So what do I do again? I shoot. Right at his face.

Why is this so easy? Are guns really the answer? You can kill someone with the pull of a trigger…it seems unfair. I hate them, and yet I’m glad we have some so we can rescue the others. After this is done, though, I’m never killing another thing. Ever.

Rukh is silent, too, though it is more because he is groggy. He is covered in bruises, and he was found unconscious. Suh-mer says that he probably attacked everyone when they separated him from Har-loh and his kit, and so they put him to sleep.

Suh-mer must speak her thoughts aloud to sort them. All I have to do is ask her how she wishes to be touched and she will tell me in great detail. I look forward to that.

“Well, if Rukhar’s going back, at least I’ll have someone to help me take care of Mr. Fluffypuff here.” The little boy smiles for the first time, and I feel my heart squeeze. Poor, serious little Rukhar. “What about me?” Harrec protests. “I can help.” “Oh, baby,” Kate says in a patient voice. “You’ll be doing good not to trip over your own two feet.”

“Just a little mustard,” she murmurs. “No, I didn’t say I wanted a sandwich. Just mustard. That’s right. You can put it on the side of my plate.” Strange, though charming. I find it comforting that even in her sleep, she talks.

I’m pretty sure people like me were meant to live somewhere with a nice library, a cozy chair with a flannel blanket for my lap, and a space heater for my feet.

“And what about Summer? She doesn’t have a mate to keep her warm.” Oh jeez. I’m embarrassed to be singled out like that. Nothing makes you feel like a loser more than someone who’s in a happy relationship pointing out that you’re single.

“If you are going to mate, mate quietly,” Harrec calls out in a sleepy voice from across the cave. “Rukhar is trying to sleep.” Kate shushes him, and someone—Gail? Elly?—giggles. I pull away from Warrek’s mouth and bury my face against his neck in embarrassment. Oh my god. That’s totally my fault—I was loud. I’m not sure I know how to be quiet. “Sorry,” I whisper to Warrek. “No apologies. I was impatient. We will wait for privacy.” He gives me one more quick kiss and then presses his mouth to my forehead. “Sleep now.” “Yeah,” Kate says, giggling. “Sleep now.”

Oh god, I’m babbling again, aren’t I?” “Mmmhmm,” Gail says. “It’s okay,” Kate says. “At least we know the truth about why your eyebrows are gone. They weren’t burned off, they were licked off.” Elly giggles. “Oh, you be quiet,” I tell Kate, putting my mittened fingers to my brows. “My eyelashes are gone, too, and he didn’t lick those. That would be weird. I burned them off all right. My whole face would have been one big blister except for the fact that Warrek had some really great cream—” “Oh lord!” Gail exclaims with a shake of her head. “Not like that. Face cream. Oh my god, you girls are nasty.”

cream, you big dingdongs. He rubbed it on my face—” “That’s what she said!” Kate howls.

“When you love someone, you love them regardless of what a bug inside your body says. Sometimes I don’t think they grasp that here, because it’s easy to let the cootie decide. When you know, though, you know. Resonance would happen, but that doesn’t mean we couldn’t make something else work.”

“Here’s how I look at things. Losing my son and then being a slave made me realize that we’ve only got one life. I’m gonna live it to the fullest and enjoy myself and not gonna give a shit what others think.

Never take a pleasure-mate, I remember my father telling me once. If you can spare yourself the pain of loss, do so. A pleasure-mate is a temporary thing—any female will go on to true-mate another hunter, and then you will be left alone. And that, my son, is the worst thing imaginable.

I think of Suh-mer. She handled herself well against the enemy, but I remember her burned face and blistered fingers. I think of her eyebrows that were singed off. She had not even realized she was hurt. She acts as she speaks—immediately and without cautious thought.

Now it must wait, just like everything else. I feel a stab of resentment, which is surprising for me. I do not try to let many things get under my skin, but the thought of leaving Suh-mer makes me want to snarl. I am becoming just like Bek.

Suh-mer is not one to sit around and wait for others to do things for her. She is full of action; it is another thing I like about her.

“What is this ‘noo-lee-wed’?” I ask. “Oh, um, it’s nothing. Just a term humans use.” Her words are quick. I wait. When she does not offer, I add, “If it is nothing, then say what it is.” Suh-mer takes great interest in smoothing a fur blanket. “It’s, you know…” “I do not.” Her reluctance to speak of it worries me. She makes an exasperated sound and then blurts out the rest. “It’s when humans decide to get married. Newly married people are called newlyweds. Married’s like being mated. But I know we’re not mated, so—” “We are,” I tell her calmly. “Do not worry.” “We are?” She looks astounded. “Since when?” “Since I have decided.”

hair of any guy here.” “I do, eh?” I nip her breast again, unable to resist. “You do.” “And my horns?” Her little brow furrows. “They’re, um, horny? Big and horny?” I chuckle at the description. “You do not find my horns erotic?” “Should I?” A worried look crosses her face. “I mean, they’re great horns, and I’m not trying to insult. I just like your hair so much better.

No wonder all these human women have the happiest smiles on their faces. They’re getting spur every night.

Josie steps forward, parting from the cluster of women. She moves to my side and puts her arms around me, silently hugging me. “Um, what’s that for?” I ask, bewildered. “For telling the men about the G-spot,” she says with a happy sigh.

“Sounds like everyone had a good night,” I begin. “Not as good as you,” Josie says in a sly voice. “You guys should have picked a hut farther out in the village.” “How far can they go?” Lila asks, rubbing her big, pregnant belly absently. “The coast, I’m thinking,” Maddie says dryly. “Maybe then we won’t hear what they’re up to.” I keep smiling, even though this is just as bad as I thought it would be. “Okay, well, this is a great conversation and I think I’m going to go die of embarrassment now.”

“You cannot stop resonance,” Asha continues, noticing my silence. “But that does not mean you do not have choices.” I glance over at her. “Oh?” She nods. “For many seasons, I was paralyzed by my own dark thoughts. I did nothing to go after my happiness. It took much to change my thinking. Then I realized the only person standing in the way of what I wanted was me.” She smooths Shema’s hair again, a smile curving her mouth. “You can choose to sit back and let things happen, or you can do something about it.”

“It’s ultimately Vektal’s decision. He’s the chief. But he’s also…well, he’s innocent.” She frowns to herself. “All of these people are. If you tried to explain war to them, or murder, they don’t get it. To them, all people are a great big happy family that get along. Sure, we argue, but the worst thing you can do to someone is ignore them for a few days. And we all saw how well that went with Bek, right?” She grimaces. “But you and I know not everyone is nice. Not everyone is in this for the common good. I have to be the negative one sometimes. And that means I have to shoot down some of his ideas.”

“I know it’s a thing with hunters dragging the woman they’ve chosen off to a cave because they want to hold her until they resonate. I’ve heard all kinds of stories about that, and apparently Raahosh did it with Liz, right? Or Maddie and Hassen? I don’t remember the details. Kate and Harrec ran off for a while, too. At any rate, I want to do the same to Warrek. I want to kidnap him.” “You do?” Vektal looks astonished. “I do.”

Both Sessah and Warrek will stay behind.” “Oh.” Well, that took all the steam out of my argument. “I see.” “But,” Georgie says with a little smile on her face. “I think you should kidnap him anyhow. Rattle him a little. Show him what’s what. And I’d bet money that he wouldn’t mind being tied up by his woman for a honeymoon.”

“I love you,” I tell him breathlessly as I drop to my knees and move closer, putting my arms around his neck. “My heart,” he murmurs, gaze intense. “My mate.” “All yours,” I tell him, and I mean it. It feels like everything that’s happened was meant to bring us together. Like we’re the two people most right for each other in the whole world—in several worlds. Maybe I did have to leave Earth and come to the far ends of the galaxy just to meet him. It’s a fair trade-off.