Dear Aaron

by Mariana Zapata

There’s only so much I’m willing to do for my country. Nudies isn’t one of them.

I had to change my ferret’s name after two months because his original name, Logan, wasn’t cutting it. He didn’t have a “Logan” personality. He’s a mess.

It was a little piece of home I needed after this crap week.

Nothing seemed… off… until I was in middle school and started spending time at my best friend’s place that I noticed how different things were.

I don’t mean you.

P.S. That’s not your mom.

My brothers call me “the milk man’s baby” because the rest of them look like one or the other, except me.

I think you’re better off just living with the doubt. Unless you’re planning on getting back together, why torture yourself and get more pissed off?

I keep telling myself that it doesn’t matter what she did, but it doesn’t change anything.

Things I learned while in a relationship with my ex (and every ex): Don’t trust anyone. Keep the toilet seat lid closed when you’re sharing a bathroom with your girl. Everyone lies.

That guy didn’t deserve your tears or your time if he knew you had feelings for him and never did anything about it, even if all he did was break your heart by telling you he wasn’t interested. I think mine broke a little at you crying over him. That had to be a reality check. What’d you tell me? Everything happens for a reason?

P.S. Live your life for both of us while I’m over here… hear me? Don’t let some idiot “rejecting you” make you think everybody will. It’s hard for me to believe you didn’t have a long line of guys trying to hook up with you.

Every relationship turns into a bad one unless you find somebody to stay married to you for the rest of your life.

Now that I think about it, I could make a good stepmom.

I was tired of my stomach hurting every time she would call or text me.

Sometimes I can’t believe I’m going to be 30. I still think I’m 16 or 18 most of the time.

Yet here I was. Trying my best to not be what came so naturally to me: a chickenshit.

“I’ve stopped trying to look forward to things too, and I don’t know when that started.”

“I want to, you know? I want to be excited about things, but it’s hard. I expect the worst all the time. I know I’ve told you before I don’t like to focus too much on the future, but sometimes when all you can focus on is what’s going on right now… it’s tough. It’s all kind of one giant thing. Not knowing what I want to do, not being able to look forward to what’s to come. I just need to figure it out. I will, I’m just tired I guess,”

I definitely had to ignore the warm sensation in my stomach reminding me I was in love with him.

What was love if it wasn’t just a single word people used to try and describe something that wasn’t easily explained or grown in one action or declaration?

When you loved someone, you told them. There was no other option.