Dear Aaron

by Mariana Zapata

People say “everything happens for a reason.” I’m not sure if that’s true, but it was probably for the best. Maybe. If a little distance is all that it takes to tear a relationship apart, that should tell you something.

The way he hugged the hell out of me would be something that sickness and death could never take away.

“I’m really damn happy to see you, Ruby.” His voice was quiet, not hesitant but more cautious. “I look at you and I can’t stop smiling. That’s all. You’re adorable.”

Looking back on it, it’s weird thinking about the moments you don’t realize are important. The sentences, the touches, the actions that seem so innocent in that second, you take them for granted. The words that make water into wine in the course of your life. But I would never forget the way his words made me feel. The way he made me feel right then. I had no idea.

“I think I want to wake up every day and watch this,” I whispered to him, pulling my knees into my chest so I could settle my chin on top of them. “It would be worth waking up early for.” And all Aaron said, in his low, soft-spoken voice that he’d been using on me since yesterday, with something in the notes I couldn’t classify that sounded almost like hope, if hope had a sound and if a promise could be made without vocalizing it, was, “Any morning you want, Rube. I’ll watch it with you.”

My legs were weak. And if that wasn’t enough, he kept going. He kept going. “I was a goner from the first time you gave me hell.” Aaron smiled. “Maybe even before then.” I was going to pass out. Right here on this crappy dance floor, I was just going to faint. And I highly doubted anyone had smelling salts.

The words came out of me in syllables, a blush rising to my face at the fact that I was even about to ask this because it seemed so unreal. “Do you like me? Is that what you’re trying to say?” He squeezed my hip, his gaze intent. “Yes.” My entire world went hazy as I got out, with more hope than I ever could have dreamed, “As more than a friend?” All of Aaron’s facial features gentled and dropped, even his shoulders seemed to slump a little, those mahogany eyes boring right into mine, capturing them and not letting them go as he said one word and only one word, “Yes.”

“As a lot more than just a friend,” he clarified like his “yes” hadn’t been enough. His voice sounded watery and a little unsure, and it… it wrecked me.

that he could speak directly into my ear. “You’re not crazy. You’re the best, and you deserve better than me, but I hope you don’t care.”

“The idea of you being with somebody else… even just texting them… him… even before I saw your face or heard your voice, Rube… I don’t want you with anybody else. You’re my Ruby, and you have been for a long time.”

“Yes.” Where was he going with this? “A business isn’t successful overnight. You don’t get promoted in a week. Everything takes time. Everything that is important and good and worthwhile, takes time. I’m not the kind of man who doesn’t know that. Just looking at you makes me happy. Listening to you makes me happy. So come over here if you want, but only if you want.”

purpose. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to get used to looking at this face. It’s like… you shouldn’t be real. Like I shouldn’t be real. Like I shouldn’t be sitting on your lap right here because—”