Dear Aaron

by Mariana Zapata

Sergeant Major to a young soldier: “I didn’t see you at camouflage training this morning, soldier.” Soldier: “Thank you very much, sir.”

I hope you’re fine, and I’ll leave you with another joke since I spared you from one last month. A group of soldiers were standing at formation when their instructor said, “All right, all you dummies fall out.” Only one man in the squad stayed at attention while the rest wandered off. The instructor walked over to the soldier who hadn’t left and met him eye to eye. The soldier smiled and said, “Sure was a lot of them, huh, sir?”

There’s only so much I’m willing to do for my country. Nudies isn’t one of them. Please excuse me for talking about private parts. You asked.

Oh, girl

I can relate to Smeagol’s obsession a little too well. No joke. (Smeagol is a character off Lord of the Rings, FYI.)

He plays WoW and you think you need to explain who Smeagol is? lol

At one point on another deployment, they paid a water truck to spray us down

Every girl I’ve ever dated has been the devil.

Mmmm suspicious

“Nobody likes officers but other officers.”

Regarding where to not pick up guys (bars and parties): I’m going to die alone. Great. Thank you.

Last night, some of the men in my tent talked about who would win in a fight, Superman or Jesus, for an hour.

I sound like a whiney baby. I had a heart disorder.

You had heart surgery! What is your family doing to you to make you feel like a whiney baby for that?!?!

I know what I don’t want better than what I do.

RubyMars: You never tell me if embarrassing, dumb stuff happens to you. AHall80: Because it doesn’t

RubyMars: What has four wheels and flies? RubyMars: A garbage truck.

RubyMars: That’s the first real smiley face you’ve given me. AHall80: Nah AHall80: You haven’t seen the rest

I am dying; this pining is killing me; I will die of cuteness

“Ruby, don’t worry about the money. We can figure it out. I’m not expecting anything from you. I told you the truth when I said you’re my closest friend. You are. I tell you more than I tell anyone else. How the hell could I let anything happen to the one person who’s made me laugh when it was the last thing I wanted to do?”

Girl, if you don't go, I will

Yesterday, my mom and Jasmine had both taken turns yelling at me. What is wrong with you? You’re already leaving next week! Have you lost your fucking mind, Squirt?

WTF? Hon, your family needs to fucking chill

And then I wondered why I didn’t have boyfriends. Why I couldn’t get one person to love me like more than a friend.

Ouch, right in the feels

“You could’ve told me your mom and sister are the ugly ones in the family.”

I am fucking dying, swooning

Everything in my kingdom for that smile.

“I don’t understand,” I told him slowly, still processing everything, forcing myself to back up a second. “What don’t you understand?” he asked easily, a partial smile on his features. I squinted. “What do you mean?” “What do you mean what do I mean?”

“Aaron.” “Ruby.” “Aaron, for real.” “Ruby, for real.”