Dear Aaron

by Mariana Zapata

AHall80: Bye, Ruby Cube.

RubyMars: All I’m going to say is, maybe you just need to find the right girl. Not at a bar. RubyMars: Maybe she’s waiting for you at a church or a shelter. AHall80: You’re a pain in the ass, Ru

AHall80: Heh AHall80: Aaron and Ruby RIP 2008-2009 RubyMars: There are tears in my eyes RubyMars: “Ruron Forever”

AHall80: You’re something else RubyMars: Something good? AHall80: Very good

RubyMars: We’re still the platonic version of Ruron. RubyMars: If you want. AHall80: …yeah

AHall80: I’ve been thinking RubyMars: What brought this miracle on? AHall80: I wish you could’ve come with me

RubyMars: Sleep on it tonight, and if tomorrow you wake up and you still want to talk on the phone and see if we’d get along, I’ll call you. RubyMars: I can’t believe I just typed that. RubyMars: My hands are shaking. RubyMars: I should feel like the stupid girl in a horror movie who goes on a date with a serial killer right now because I’m not telling you no. AHall80: It’s just me, Rubes. AHall80: But fine. I’ll sleep on it

11:58 a.m. AHall80: Hey RubyMars: Hey AHall80: 270-555-5025 RubyMars: ….

“No, I know it’s you. We’ve been on the phone… four minutes and you’ve got me laughing more than I have in weeks. It couldn’t be anybody else but you, Ru.”

“What would you need a warning for?” I asked, almost hesitantly but definitely a little distracted. There was another soft chuckle. “For that voice. Jesus, Ru. You told me you were worried I wasn’t going to like you, so I had this plan in my head for how I’d get you to talk to me in case things got awkward. And you start giving me shit thirty seconds in,” he argued. “You threw my game off.”

I’d thought about it. He could basically look like a troll and chances were, if he was as wonderful in person as he was online, I would still be in love with him. Beauty fades, a good personality and chemistry doesn’t.

“Because I could’ve had a better time in Scotland, and I’m being selfish inviting you to come to Florida because I want to be around someone….” He trailed off again. “I want to meet you, and I’m not giving you any time to think about it. You’re telling me you’re worried, and I’m pushing you into it. That’s selfish, and you know what, Rube? I don’t give much of a shit.”

Standing not even five feet away, with a torn-out piece of notebook paper in his hands that said RC SANTOS in thick, scribbly red letters, was a man. Not a boy. Not a man-boy. A man I could have looked at all day for the rest of my life. With neat, short, golden blond hair on his head that I noticed first thing, and a deep tan covering every inch of his exposed skin, I stopped breathing. Deep-set eyes, high cheekbones and a mouth that was pretty darn full for any gender, seemed to tie in together to shape a face that was too good-looking. Way too good-looking.

“You don’t look like I thought you would,” were the words he used to break the silence. His pronunciation was slow, calm. He blinked in the middle of his sentence as his chest went wide with an inhale and just as quickly deflated with an exhale. I stopped breathing as those dark brown eyes of his roamed over my face and down my front all over again. His mouth did that wavering thing again, fluctuating, indecisive before settling into a weak smile as his eyes bounced all over me one last time.

Aaron’s face, this face I’d never seen before five minutes ago, was open and worried. That mouth that was almost too full for a man’s mouth was strained, and he looked like… well, he looked like he didn’t think of me as a stranger he’d felt bad for and invited on this trip. He didn’t look let down. Because you couldn’t look at someone you didn’t care for the way he was watching me, eyebrows knitted together, lines at the corners of eyes, and a pursed mouth.

My friend had come. This man whose beauty had nothing to do with what was on the outside. I only tightened my arms around him and felt him do the same thing to me. He hugged me and kept on hugging me, one hand going to the back of my head and sliding its way back down again. Affection. That was exactly what he was giving me, and I drank every sip of it up.

“I was worried you were going to be disappointed meeting me.” Those brown eyes seemed to twinkle a little, his eyebrows shaping, his mouth doing that turning thing like he was trying to stop smiling. My hands were starting to get itchy. But then he said the words that made a dozen more butterflies explode into existence. “I’m really damn happy to see you, Ruby.” His voice was quiet, not hesitant but more cautious. “I look at you and I can’t stop smiling. That’s all. You’re adorable.”

“I think I want to wake up every day and watch this,” I whispered to him, pulling my knees into my chest so I could settle my chin on top of them. “It would be worth waking up early for.” And all Aaron said, in his low, soft-spoken voice that he’d been using on me since yesterday, with something in the notes I couldn’t classify that sounded almost like hope, if hope had a sound and if a promise could be made without vocalizing it, was, “Any morning you want, Rube. I’ll watch it with you.”

“Come on, will you? Just you and me,” he said gently. “Ruron forever.”

He made this chuffing sound that could have been a single laugh on the verge of tears. “Ruby girl…” It was pathetic, but I pressed my forehead tighter in to him, knowing I had no right to, knowing I shouldn’t because there were a hundred reasons why this was a terrible idea, yet somehow making my grip more possessive, stronger. “Why are we so close together?” “Because.” One of the hands at my waist tightened. “I want to.” I stuttered. “Why?” “Ruby,” was all he said.

And if that wasn’t enough, he kept going. He kept going. “I was a goner from the first time you gave me hell.” Aaron smiled. “Maybe even before then.”

“I’m not crazy and I like you,” I told him, trying to sound like I was joking when I really wasn’t. Aaron pulled me in close to him again, his mouth lowering so that he could speak directly into my ear. “You’re not crazy. You’re the best, and you deserve better than me, but I hope you don’t care.”

“I haven’t liked you dating other people in months.” He spat the words out with so much disgust I couldn’t help but fall even more in love. “It’s making me mad right now just thinking about it, Ruby,” he said in that low voice. “I was jealous when I hadn’t seen you, when I didn’t know how much I like having you close by… when I hadn’t heard your voice….” He swallowed. “Even if you didn’t… look the way you do, I would’ve been here, feeling this way about you. Does that help you understand?”

And in a move I never would have ever given myself credit for, I tilted my face just enough to press my mouth to his. It was a peck. Dry lips on dry lips. It lasted all of a second of contact before I pulled back just an inch or two. Then it was Aaron who pressed his mouth to mine. Two seconds before he pulled back. And then we took turns. Me for three seconds. Him for four. Me for five. Him for six. Seven. Eight. Nine.

“Ruby, Ruby, Ruby,” he whispered,

A pained smile grew across his mouth, and he pretty much groaned, “I’m not okay. I’m never going to be okay.”