A River in Darkness: One Man's Escape from North Korea

by Masaji Ishikawa

I mean, this was the second half of the twentieth century, for pity’s sake, and they still saw communism as the road to utopia.

Extreme of any ideology can get us into trouble. The problem with communism is that it’s probably the only one that was followed religiously to the extreme.

I looked around at the ramshackle cottages with their thatched roofs sprinkled with snow. It sounds picturesque. But it wasn’t. It was desolate.

When I lived in Japan, I never really pondered my life. But after I moved to North Korea, the thing that preoccupied me most was the sheer magnitude of the difference between my old life and my new one. I became obsessed with all the things I had taken for granted before, and all the hardships that marked my life now.

Teachers and every other adult I knew tried to brainwash us into becoming slavish members of their pseudo-religious cult. I played along. I learned quickly that in that sort of situation, if you want to survive, you have to stifle your critical faculties and just get on with things. I had to pick my battles carefully and not let myself get riled up by every little thing. But the trouble is that some people really do end up brainwashed. They come to believe all the bullshit. But, thankfully, there are also many who don’t. And one day, they’ll be the downfall of the house of cards that is North Korea.

We didn’t protest. When you find yourself caught in a crazy system dreamed up by dangerous lunatics, you just do what you’re told.

The system was known as the “feasibility concept.” Feasibility concept! That’s what happens to language in countries like North Korea. A totalitarian dictatorship is a “democratic republic.” Bondage is known as “emancipation.”

They knew that, however long they worked and however much effort they put in, they wouldn’t be rewarded for their labors; their pay would be the same. And they had to follow the instructions of amateurs who didn’t know what they were talking about. So of course they lost all motivation. Who could blame them?

True for compankes as well

From time to time, a hygiene outfit carried out a lice check at school. If you were dirty, you got told off for poor hygiene. But if you admitted you bathed frequently, you were equally told off, in this case for “Japanese decadence.” As usual, you couldn’t win.

The system had dehumanized them completely. Us. The sad thing was that I was starting to think the same way myself. But Young’s behavior reminded me what it was to be a human being. And I came to recognize that, no matter how difficult the reality, you mustn’t let yourself be beaten. You must have a strong will. You have to summon what you know is right from your innermost depths and follow

I used to hate violence, especially since I had witnessed my father brutally beating my mother when I was a child. But after the confrontation with the doctor, my attitude changed. Violence began to seem like the only answer. I felt so helpless as I stood by, watching good people being purged and exiled and destroyed. My mother advised me to cool my temper. Otherwise, I’d disappear too.

Kids are like that—they can break your heart with a smile.

Let me tell you what we were taught in school in North Korea. “People in South Korea can only survive by stealing things and selling their blood.”

After his pregnant wife sold blood for a sack of rice, without telling him. And she was becoming paler everytime she would “bring back a sack of rice” (or loose blood)

When I’m eating something considered a basic food in Japan—far simpler than anything most Japanese people eat, plain rice, let’s say—I look at it and wonder how many meals it would provide in North Korea. And not just how many meals, but how many days of meals. The trouble is, such thoughts make it impossible for me to eat because my heart swells with grief.

I often think about what would have become of me if I’d stayed in North Korea. I would probably have starved too. But at least I’d have died in someone’s arms with my family gathered around me. We’d have said our goodbyes. What chance of that now?