To All the Boys I've Loved Before (To All the Boys I've Loved Before, #1)

by Jenny Han

If I had to say why Margot loves him, I think maybe I would say it’s because we all do.

I really relate to this. As someone with strong familial values, it’s important for my partner to get along with my family as if they were part of it.

I’d never thought of him any kind of way before that kiss. He was too pretty, too smooth. Not my type of boy at all. But after he kissed me, he was all I could think about for months after.

Peter’s staring at me in a thoughtful way,

That night, I’m lying in bed still thinking about John. It’s fun to think of the what-if. Scary, but fun. It’s like, I thought this door was closed before, but here it is open just the tiniest crack. What if? What would that be like, me and John Ambrose McClaren? If I close my eyes, I can almost picture it.

“I shouldn’t have to push you to want things. You should want them for yourself. You need to take the initiative. I’m not always going to be beside you to push you.”

I can feel tears and panic building up inside me. If she asks me another question, it will be too much, and I’ll cry.

To belong to someone—I didn’t know it, but now that I think about, it seems like that’s all I’ve ever wanted. To really be somebody’s, and to have them be mine.

Josh, you break my heart. And you’re a liar. Because you know me, you know me better than almost anybody, and you don’t love me.

All I can think of is how patient he was with her, how sweet. Impulsively I get up on my tiptoes and kiss him on the cheek, and he jerks back in surprise. “What was that for?” My cheeks feel scalded. I say, “For being so nice to Kitty.”

I smile, because it’s so cute. And for a second, just for a second, I forget. I forget that this isn’t real.

“He . . . he looks at you a lot, Lara Jean. When you’re not paying attention. He looks at you, to see if you’re having a good time.”

He drives off into the night and I’m still standing there with my fingers to my lips. Peter Kavinsky just kissed me. He kissed me, and I liked it. I’m pretty sure I liked it. I’m pretty sure I like him.

So that’s where I get it from. My dad. He lives

in a fantasy world.

I think I see the difference now, between loving someone from afar and loving someone up close. When you see them up close, you see the real them, but they also get to see the real you.