James Acaster's Classic Scrapes

by James Acaster

I often think it’s a shame that hole-punches are so much fun but are seldom used by the people who’d appreciate them the most. Hole-punches, much like swivel chairs, are wasted on adults. A child looks at your average office and sees a playground; an adult looks at an office and sees a prison sentence. Then there are adults who love swivel chairs and hole-punches but can’t openly enjoy them because they aren’t children any more and their playground days are over. The universe is cruel.

This is typical. Things happen to you when you’re not looking for them and as soon as you try to make them happen again you can’t.

I looked in my wallet – no money. I looked at my phone – dead. I looked into my immediate future – bleak.

We are all failures and as such we are roaring successes. Each and every one of us.