How to Be Happy: 10 Keys to Happier Living

by Vanessa King

Five areas of activity (Connect, Be Active, Take Notice, Keep Learning and Give) shown to increase happiness and well-being were increasingly being used in health, education and other settings across the UK and beyond. We came up with an acronym for these – ‘GREAT’.

Ten Keys to Happier Living became: ‘GREAT DREAM’

People who give to, or help, others have been shown to: be more satisfied with their lives; have a greater sense of meaning and feel more competent. It can also improve our mood, reduce stress and distract us from our own troubles. And it seems that being compassionate and kind to others is hard-wired into what it means to be human.

we are thirty times more likely to laugh when we are with other people than when we are alone.

on average happiness was higher for times people were with others than when they were on their own. This even applied to the introverts.

It seems that on average we need at least six hours a day in which we have social contact with others, including time at home, at work, interacting via the phone, email or online social networking.

of the various factors in life that impact happiness, family relationships come out as the most important, more so than our financial situations and work (which came in second and third). And community and friends were in fourth place.

Studies suggest that if our social relationships are adequate in terms of quality and quantity, we can have as much as a fifty per cent greater chance of living longer

if someone you are in direct contact with was happy, you are fifteen per cent more likely to be happy yourself.

If they are also in contact with someone who was happy, this has a ripple effect out to us, meaning we are ten per cent more likely to be happy. And if that person was also in contact with a happy friend, that could increase our own happiness by six per cent.

In the context of marriage, relationship expert John Gottman suggests that for relationship well-being and happiness, we should aim for five positive interactions with our significant other to every negative one.

He says criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling are the most highly corrosive threats to the quality of relationships.

When two or more people connect over a shared pleasant or positive emotion, whether it is mild or strong, it sets up a series of unconscious physiological reactions within and between them. Our subtle micro-behaviours start to mirror each other (known as ‘bio-behavioural synchrony’) and this leads to an increased willingness to care for each other’s well-being.

When we share a positive emotion with others, it momentarily blurs the boundaries between us and amplifies the beneficial impact, and this is potentially powerful.

Imagine you’re waiting for a train and you find yourself chatting to a stranger and they start to share a story. You find yourself listening closely. In your head at that moment, parts of your brain are being activated – in exactly the same areas as in the storyteller’s own brain. As his/her brain activity shifts, so does yours. The more closely you listen and understand the story as it progresses, the more closely your brains are activated in parallel, a phenomenon known as ‘brain coupling’. You are literally on the same wavelength at that moment!

Gottman suggests that about two-thirds of conflicts in both happy and unhappy relationships are unsolveable, often persisting for years

The way we approach and deal with conflicts is important for the quality of the relationship. Gottman says that the first three minutes of any conflict is particularly vital. These minutes set the tone and determine whether the conversation is constructive or escalates. A gentle opening (what Gottman calls a ‘softened start-up’) is most likely to lead to a successful outcome. Softened start-ups help us avoid some of the ways we can trigger a defensive, hurt or angry response. It’s important to avoid the other person feeling overly criticised or diminished such as blaming their character rather than focusing on the incident.

NVC provides a simple framework to enable us to identify/communicate what our needs are in different situations, look beneath the surface of our own (and others’) feelings and help us understand our values better. There are five steps to help you prepare for, and have, your conversation: 1 Notice your judgements We often jump to conclusions about what’s behind another’s behaviours, why someone is doing something or what they should do. If we act on these judgements without expressing them or asking about the person’s needs it can lead to miscommunication at best, and at worst disagreements, without either understanding what was important to the other. 2 Be a neutral observer Identify the facts, taking a neutral perspective. What would someone uninvolved in the situation observe? 3 Name your feelings What did you feel when it happened? 4 State your needs What are your needs behind your feelings? 5 What’s your request What specific thing would you like to ask the other person to do in order to meet your needs?

‘Exercise is the closest thing we have to a magic bullet for health – physical and mental.’

It’s now well established that lack of physical activity increases the likelihood of us having at least thirty-five different chronic diseases,

Research shows that something is better than nothing – even as little as ten minutes per day walking at normal pace can make a difference.

Exercise can help treat depression

Exciting new research shows that aerobic activity, such as brisk walking, trotting and running leads to growth of new brain cells and greater protection for existing ones.

Some researchers say we are designed to be the best endurance runners on the planet.

The evidence for the link between movement and brains extends across species – the structure and size of the brain in different animals being adapted to their typical form of movement. There is also evidence that this relationship can work in reverse. Take koala bears. They once consumed a varied diet and needed to move around to maintain this. However, over time, they started to eat only eucalyptus leaves. Given that there is a plentiful supply of such trees in their native habitat, Australia, it meant that koalas no longer needed to move very much. They just had to sit in eucalyptus trees munching leaves all day. As a consequence their brains shrank and today are much smaller than the capacity of koala skulls, which haven’t quite caught up yet. A cautionary tale for our increasingly sedentary lifestyle, perhaps.

A minimum of 150 minutes of moderate-intensity aerobic physical activity per week, or 75 minutes’ vigorous-intensity aerobic physical activity,

Aerobic activity should be performed in bouts of ten minutes or more.

Strengthening activity should be incorporated at least twice per week.

Recommendations for children and teens up to the age of seventeen are a minimum of sixty minutes of moderate-to-vigorous activity per day plus strengthening activity at least three times per week.

Ten ideas for starters Want to get started, do more, keep going? Here are ideas to help you:

1 Start slow and small

2 Keep the end (and middle) in mind

3 Break it up

4 Walk, think, talk

5 Prepare to avoid excuses

6 Be social

7 Enjoy yourself

8 Do it outside

9 Keeping tabs can keep you going

10 Sit less

So which foods are best for happiness?

Omega-3 oils

Omega-3 oils are found in fish and seeds (like flax and linseed), nuts (especially walnuts and almonds), olive oil and sunflower oil, and avocados and eggs.

Vitamins and minerals – especially: • Zinc – from wholegrains, legumes, meat and milk. • Magnesium – from green leafy vegetables, nuts and wholegrains. • Iron – from red meat, green leafy vegetables, eggs and some fruit. • Folate – from green leafy vegetables and fortified cereals. • A range of B vitamins – from wholegrain products, yeast and dairy. • Antioxidant vitamins such as C and E – from a wide range of fruit and vegetables.

For happiness, we need our sugar in a form that takes us longer to digest and we don’t need too much of it. So cut down on the white stuff and eat more fruit and wholegrains.

When our skin is exposed to sunlight, we produce vitamin D. That’s why it’s known as the ‘sunshine vitamin’. Too little of it is also associated with low moods, poor sleep and depression.

What people were thinking was found to be a better predictor of how they were feeling than what they were doing.

One factor that is toxic to our levels of happiness is constantly comparing ourselves to others and wanting what we don’t have,

Firstly, mindfulness helps us to distance ourselves from our thoughts and see them neutrally.

Stepping back from unpleasant thoughts feels better – we’re calmer and happier – which, in turn, opens us up and makes us more flexible in our thinking – facilitating greater mindfulness.