Pride and Prejudice

by Jane Austen

You have no compassion for my poor nerves.” “You mistake me, my dear. I have a high respect for your nerves. They are my old friends. I have heard you mention them with consideration these last twenty years at least.”

he is so unserious

tolerable,

*swoon*

“If he had had any compassion for me,” cried her husband impatiently, “he would not have danced half so much!

LMAO

Oh that he had sprained his ankle in the first dance!”

i fucking love elizabeth's dad

“From all that I can collect by your manner of talking, you must be two of the silliest girls in the country. I have suspected it some time, but I am now convinced.”

roasted

“They are wanted in the farm much oftener than I can get them.”

sarcastic king

“if your daughter should have a dangerous fit of illness—if she should die, it would be a comfort to know that it was all in pursuit of Mr. Bingley, and under your orders.”

LMAO

“I am afraid, Mr. Darcy,” observed Miss Bingley in a half whisper, “that this adventure has rather affected your admiration of her fine eyes.” “Not at all,” he replied; “they were brightened by the exercise.”

i'm sold

he could find no better relief to his feelings than by giving his housekeeper directions that every attention might be paid to the sick lady and her sister.

bingley a king

“How many letters you must have occasion to write in the course of a year! Letters of business, too! How odious I should think them!” “It is fortunate, then, that they fall to my lot instead of yours.”

if i was caroline bingley, i would never show my face again

He began to feel the danger of paying Elizabeth too much attention.

she continued to rail bitterly against the cruelty of settling an estate away from a family of five daughters, in favour of a man whom nobody cared anything about.

as she should tf

That would be the greatest misfortune of all! To find a man agreeable whom one is determined to hate!

Elizabeth was the least dear to her of all her children;

how dare you

“Oh! Mr. Bennet, you are wanted immediately; we are all in an uproar. You must come and make Lizzy marry Mr. Collins, for she vows she will not have him, and if you do not make haste he will change his mind and not have her.”

i hate this woman

“An unhappy alternative is before you, Elizabeth. From this day you must be a stranger to one of your parents. Your mother will never see you again if you do not marry Mr. Collins, and I will never see you again if you do.”

i love this man

I am cruelly used, nobody feels for my poor nerves.”

L

People who suffer as I do from nervous complaints can have no great inclination for talking.

fr?

Those who do not complain are never pitied.”

um i hate to break it to you

The more I see of the world, the more am I dissatisfied with it; and every day confirms my belief of the inconsistency of all human characters, and of the little dependence that can be placed on the appearance of merit or sense.

“In vain I have struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.”

So much in love as to wish to marry her in spite of all the objections which had made him prevent his friend’s marrying her sister, and which must appear at least with equal force in his own case—was almost incredible!

“I am glad you are come back, Lizzy.”

I know you will do him such ample justice, that I am growing every moment more unconcerned and indifferent. Your profusion makes me saving; and if you lament over him much longer, my heart will be as light as a feather.”

Well, my comfort is, I am sure Jane will die of a broken heart; and then he will be sorry for what he has done.”

that's COMFORTING to you????

“Lydia will never be easy until she has exposed herself in some public place or other, and we can never expect her to do it with so little expense or inconvenience to her family as under the present circumstances.”

the way he hates all his daughters except for liz gives me life

At Brighton she will be of less importance even as a common flirt than she has been here. The officers will find women better worth their notice. Let us hope, therefore, that her being there may teach her her own insignificance. At any rate, she cannot grow many degrees worse, without authorising us to lock her up for the rest of her life.”

Their eyes instantly met, and the cheeks of both were overspread with the deepest blush.

Her colour changed, and she said no more.

the second-hand embarrassment i feel rn <<<

Elizabeth felt that they had entirely misunderstood his character, but said nothing.

hypocrite

It was evident that she was much better acquainted with Mr. Darcy than they had before any idea of; it was evident that he was very much in love with her.

“Yes,” replied Darcy, who could contain himself no longer, “but that was only when I first saw her, for it is many months since I have considered her as one of the handsomest women of my acquaintance.”

“Oh! thoughtless, thoughtless Lydia!”

The death of your daughter would have been a blessing in comparison of this.

collins did not hold back

“This is a parade,” he cried, “which does one good; it gives such an elegance to misfortune! Another day I will do the same; I will sit in my library, in my nightcap and powdering gown, and give as much trouble as I can; or, perhaps, I may defer it till Kitty runs away.”

“Ah! Jane, I take your place now, and you must go lower, because I am a married woman.”

i am going to bitch slap this cunt to mars

“I thank you for my share of the favour,” said Elizabeth; “but I do not particularly like your way of getting husbands.”

BUUUUUUURN

My sisters may write to me.

they don't want to

“And this,” said she, “is the end of all his friend’s anxious circumspection! of all his sister’s falsehood and contrivance! the happiest, wisest, most reasonable end!”

“Your ladyship has declared it to be impossible.”

the SASS

They are destined for each other by the voice of every member of their respective houses; and what is to divide them?

um, incest?

“You are too generous to trifle with me. If your feelings are still what they were last April, tell me so at once. My affections and wishes are unchanged, but one word from you will silence me on this subject for ever.”

he expressed himself on the occasion as sensibly and as warmly as a man violently in love can be supposed to do.

“If any young men come for Mary or Kitty, send them in, for I am quite at leisure.”

Mr. Bennet missed his second daughter exceedingly; his affection for her drew him oftener from home than anything else could do. He delighted in going to Pemberley, especially when he was least expected.