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Kindle Notes & Highlights
by
E.L. Todd
Read between
September 28 - October 10, 2017
medal,
Metal or ona medal?
us our related
...us are related to
Not our
Hazels sighed.
Hazel no s
Uncle Mike scowled at him. “Go to hell, old man.”
This chapter and segment is a waste of space and time. While trying to show the joking and petty rivalry of the various family members, it can be shortened and glossed over without the nasty remarks or the inane back and forth comments. Puerile narrative better handled in another way.
But I didn’t know who with since the group pretty much stuck together.
Bad grammar.
...with whom, since the group stuck together.
ground,
Floor!
“You have a key, don’t you?”
Stupid question since he walked in days earlier using his key and other times in the past!
“I win.”
"You win"
Since cayson accedes in the next sentences
I came to his door and knocked.
I arrived at his door...
my mouth devouring his like I couldn’t get enough.
Del like, let her devour him!
like
as if
not like
brim
Undies dont have a brim,
trim or elastic
ground,
Floor
My brother was standing on my doorstep.
Change my doorstep to
...the doorstep
Only our eyes seemed to be similar.
Only our eyes were similar.
really. I was drunk so everything was numb. And Slade dragged me out before I could really think about anything.”
I was drunk and numb.
hues, like red, green, blue, and orange.
...bright hues of red, blues, green and orange.
ground.
floor
backseat
backdoor
Not backseat
Cayson rested his ankle on his knee and placed his hand on my thigh, acting normal.
One doesn't sit with a leg crossed upon a thigh at a dinner table especially a tall man!
chugged the bottle in seconds then left the empty glass
...chugged the beer then left the empty bottle on the table.
concrete wall
Wood wall was described before, not concrete.
tires was gone,
...tires were gone...
board games,
What board games!? Twister and uno aren't board games. Monopoly, backgammon, Clue, etc., those are board games.
just leaving him and I.
Grammar!
an answer just
Del just
Beers were drank and…then
Bad grammar!
This thing is so tight around my stomach. I’m not sure
Part of dialoigue needs quote marks!
