I Can't Make This Up: Life Lessons

by Kevin Hart

They say that bad news comes in threes. I don’t know who said that, but they got their math wrong. I think it’s that you’re in either an upward or a downward phase of your life. And if you’re going down, bad news comes more than three times. It’s just that after three, you stop keeping count because it’s so familiar. It’s like counting how many socks you own. My third sock came from the worst possible person: the one handling my money. Business Manager: I just got off the phone with the IRS. They need you to pay your back taxes. Me: Taxes? Don’t they take those out of my checks? Business Manager: Sometimes they do and sometimes they don’t. It depends on whether you’re being paid as an employee or an independent contractor. Me: Huh? Business Manager: I’ll just cut right to it: You only have $30,000 in your account. Me: So pay my taxes with some of that. Business Manager: Kevin, you owe almost $400,000. Me: Wait, what? The last time I’d done a Wait, what?—which is much bigger than a regular What?—was probably when my dad told me he was leaving my mom.