Take Me With You

by Andrea Gibson

BEFORE I DIE, I WANT TO BE SOMEBODY’S FAVORITE HIDING PLACE, THE PLACE THEY CAN PUT EVERYTHING THEY KNOW THEY NEED TO SURVIVE, EVERY SECRET, EVERY SOLITUDE, EVERY NERVOUS PRAYER, AND BE ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN I WILL KEEP IT SAFE. I WILL KEEP IT SAFE.

ANY FEMINIST WHO HAS EVER TAKEN THE HIGH ROAD WILL TELL YOU THE HIGH ROAD GETS BACKED UP AND SOMETIMES WE NEED TO TAKE A DETOUR STRAIGHT THROUGH THE BELLY OF UNCENSORED RAGE.

EVEN WHEN THE TRUTH ISN’T HOPEFUL, THE TELLING OF IT IS.

KINDNESS IS WORK. KINDNESS IS OUR KNEES IN THE GARDEN WEEDING OUR BITES, OUR APATHIES, OUR COLD SHOULDERS, OUR SILENCES, OUR CRUELTIES, WHATEVER TAUGHT US THE WORD “UGLY.”

WHAT I KNOW ABOUT LIVING IS THAT THE PAIN IS NEVER JUST OURS. EVERY TIME I HURT I KNOW THE WOUND IS AN ECHO, SO I KEEP LISTENING FOR THE MOMENT THE GRIEF BECOMES A WINDOW, WHEN I CAN SEE WHAT I COULDN’T SEE BEFORE.

WHAT I WANT MOST IS TO LIVE THE REST OF MY LIFE DESPERATELY WANTING TO LIVE IT. I WANT TO GIVE THAT TO YOU. I WANT YOU TO BELIEVE IT IS SOMETHING. WHEN I SAY I WANT TO MAKE SOMETHING OF MY LIFE, THAT’S WHAT I MEAN.