Because when I said I didn’t want to have sex, he didn’t talk to me for the rest of the night. Because when I would plead, he would plead (my panic, his smile). Because I preferred not to fight or appear culpable. Because I’d lie: “It’s fine,” I’d say, desperate, like I could discover another sensation, dispel the anxiety through a sleight of psyche, and keep on loving him. Because lying is just performing, and perform is what we’re encouraged to do. Because besides, even if I’d said, No, Stop, there are those who’d think I’d meant Yes, Please, anyway.
