Ache.

by Lillian Olson

I can only look through a dirty glass. Maybe there is something good out there but all this fucking shit is in the way.

Fuck all the people with clear glass. Ogle at the sun and the stars in all their brilliance while I rake my hands across my clothing, dirty glass dirty hands

Fuck your clear windows and fuck the benign feelings you have from looking at the brilliance, the magnificence. Fuck your immaculate existence.

I want to destroy all the parts that aren’t working. I’m breaking, I’m breaking.

No sympathy, no compassion. I could call for aid, but I hold my tongue.

My greatest wish is to disappear but my presence is not small enough. My body is too big and my misgivings bigger.

This is so much easier. I don’t think it’s living, but it’s not hurting either.

How do I turn the light on in my eyes? Please, no one look at me today. There is nothing here to see, please, keep going. Move on. Don’t look back. Today, I wanted to sleep the day away. If I close my eyes and the world goes dark then no one can see me. When the world goes dark, it goes away, it all goes away.

Hold your tongue, hold your breath. Keep that poison to yourself. Suffocate politely.

I’ll tell you sweet nothings until you feel nothing at all.