Ache.

by Lillian Olson

Fuck your immaculate existence.

as long as you’re doing something to me.

you can’t live without burning your comfort

the face of this God is my own

We’re all burning.

One of these things is not like the others,

and I realize now that I am the one out of place.

I crumple so easily at the pressure of words even when they are spoken rather than screamed.

The Gods Died Laughing

You will not last the night if you wonder at the stars and the sky with an empty cage and an open heart.

they would sigh with relief because at least this one

is a working thing.

I stopped dating boys when they tried to take my laugh,

The mountains will hide you now.

Dream with your eyes open, then go home and dream with your eyes closed.

No one cares about dead dreams. You are only a murderer if someone cares. So stop caring. 8:54.You’ve condemned yourself to dream, so dream.

I’ll tell you sweet nothings until you feel nothing at all.

The bees are loud today aren’t they?

Is it really punishment when it feels so good?

Crazy means your head is a little too crowded between you and me and all these busy, buzzing bees.

I don’t hate myself. I and myself are separate entities, entangled.

I was so scared for so long that she would forget to look, and I would never again feel the stars, the summer wind, the winter snow,

Don’t look, sweetheart, don’t look and the monsters can’t drag you down.

Wholeness can be found in motion or music or location or words and I want to know what fullness feels like before my time here is done.

I need to go, I need to leave. I need a place to call my own. If I’m going to be stuck and stalled and still then I need to be stuck and stalled and still in a home of my own. A place where there are no eyes in the walls.

Vibrating bones, dancing light,

It doesn’t make sense that I am here right now, in this place, with these people, alive, alive, alive. Alive without understanding, without knowing how or why or for how long.

I am looking out from within this body

Acknowledge the truth. We are limitless.

I don’t think I have to fight for my place in it, but I do have to make my presence known.

Life before, life now, life after is existing all at once, always now and never, not for one second, not at all. This is truth.

monsters and magic lurk somewhere between muscle and bone.