How to Be Single and Happy: Science-Based Strategies for Keeping Your Sanity While Looking for a Soul Mate

by Jenny Taitz

The combination of a situation, thought, and action build an emotion. As Nicole discovered and we touched on earlier in this chapter, when you can be specific about how you feel you’re apt to end up more confident that you can cope. The more precise you can be about what’s going on (e.g., My sadness is a 7 on a scale of 1 to 10), the easier it is to find solutions. When Nicole attended to her emotions she got a clearer sense that staying with her boyfriend gave her flickering moments of joy under a dark haze of vulnerability. That realization helped her break up with him so she could pursue a clearer future. Studies led by neuroscientist Lisa Feldman Barrett and her team suggest that people who are more skilled in figuring out what they’re feeling are likelier to use strategies to reduce negative emotions and increase positive ones than people less able to distinguish their emotions. When you can identify exactly what you’re feeling and how intensely you’re experiencing it, you can both appreciate the message of that emotion and also decide if you need to work on modifying your feelings.