How to Be Single and Happy: Science-Based Strategies for Keeping Your Sanity While Looking for a Soul Mate

by Jenny Taitz

Notice that gentleness isn’t just about your words—it’s also about your body language and facial expressions. Many of my clients have remarked that when they’re feeling anxious or lonely, others don’t perceive them as warm or approachable; instead, they may seem to have an implicit “do not disturb” sign. It makes a lot of sense: Our faces convey feelings. That’s a wonderful thing, especially when we want to wordlessly let others know that we need support. But noticing and modifying your facial expressions can help you invite others in and also influence your mood. Again, DBT offers a brilliant solution to the dilemma of wanting closeness even when feeling distressed, called the half-smile. The truth is, you can change how you feel by changing your face. By raising your lips slightly, like a quarter of an inch, you release forehead tension and end up looking more Buddha, less bitter, and feeling more serene too. (To be clear, this isn’t a forced, fake smile, like when you’re posing for a picture. You can make sure you feel relaxed and also appear comfortable and natural by practicing in front of the mirror.) If you’re skeptical, research has shown that there is a facial feedback loop in which the brain communicates to the face and the face communicates with the brain. So relaxing your expression can affect your mood.