AWOL on the Appalachian Trail

by David Miller

Before hiking, I was a modest, healthy eater. I had eliminated sodas and french fries from my diet. The only candy bars I ever ate were those I would pilfer from my kids’ Halloween spoils. I’d read about the superhuman appetite of thru-hikers and their eating feats: ten candy bars a day, a dozen doughnuts in one sitting, meals on top of meals. I was going to be different. Sure, I’d need to eat more, but I’d try to eat good stuff: protein bars instead of candy bars, fruit and vegetables whenever I could get them. Healthy eating quickly fell by the wayside. A cold soda is my favorite treat. I prefer the quick energy of candy bars to protein bars. Now I sit with half a gallon of cookie dough ice cream before me, fairly certain that it won’t be much of a challenge. A small camp store at the park sells the ice cream. They have limited flavors, so wimping out with reduced-calorie vanilla is not an option. Cookie dough is the most palatable and has 2,880 calories per box. I spend fifty-two minutes eating, my progress slowed by chipping away at the frozen block. Hikers who have participated in the half-gallon challenge comment on their experiences in a spiral notebook similar to shelter registers. I bring it to my picnic table and read from it as I eat: “That was the most disgusting thing I’ve done, except for the pancake challenge.” —Gazelle “1/2 gallon peanut butter ice cream: 48 minutes. Chicken nuggets & fries: 24 minutes. Biggest bellyache of my life: priceless. Some things m...

half way eating ritual