When You Disappeared

by John Marrs

Their world was still in sleep but I had woken up.

Her sobbing had become louder and sharper until it pierced my skin and barrelled its way through my veins and up into my head. It felt ready to burst, so I clamped my sweating palms over my ears as if to stop it. But all I heard was the rapid beat of my own wretched heart – a hollow, despicable ticking inside a soulless carcass.

It was simply too late; we were irreparable. Stones had been cast and glasshouses lay in shards all around us. Inside I was dead; it was time for my exterior to follow suit.

But when you’re sinking in the depths of depression and think you’ve found an escape route, you stop searching for an alternative.

The longer he made his pain visible, the longer he’d remain her priority.

Doreen was terrified of being happy, but equally frightened of being alone.

And with my baggage consigned to sealed boxes in my head, I was at ease living in a way I’d never dared to dream of. To the eyes of a stranger, and even myself, I had no discernible essence.

if you scratch the surface of something perfect, you’ll always find something rotten hidden beneath.

Because the more you trust in someone, the more opportunities you give them to shatter your illusions about them.

It was better to remain on my island than drown in somebody else’s sea.

‘But that’s what love is, Simon. It’s never giving up on the person you’ve given your heart to. It’s having faith that no matter how tough things get, that person will always be looking for you.’

You can either learn from your parents’ mistakes, or repeat them and use them as an excuse for your own behaviour.

But I knew eventually it would fail me. Everything that makes you happy eventually disappoints.

But the greatest moments of your life are exactly that – just moments. And by their design, moments don’t last.

To anyone who ever gave you confidence – you owe them a lot.