Not Yet Married: The Pursuit of Joy in Singleness and Dating

by Marshall Segal

also believe he withheld marriage to draw me closer to himself and to allow me to use my gifts to serve others while I was still single.

That hole in our hearts will swallow and destroy any relationship if we look to a person to make us happy or whole.

And we will never date well until we have a big, clear, and compelling idea of what marriage was really meant to be.

The surest love, the fullest happiness, and the highest purpose are all available to you in Jesus, just as you are. Find them first in him, and you will have a far happier and more meaningful marriage, if God brings you a husband or wife one day.

God is trying to give us unconditional love, indescribable joy, and unparalleled purpose, but many of us are just trying to get married.

give ourselves completely to telling the world with our whole life that God is truer, greater, and more satisfying than our wildest imagination—than the most successful career, the biggest platform, or the happiest marriage.

“God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in him.”

God begins to look like everything he already is through me and my life—his perfect holiness, his flawless justice, his unstoppable love—when he and his love begin to be everything to me.

Don’t expect helpful, meaningful relationships to just happen to you. It will require a lot of initiative, but we can’t live in the fullness of the joy, love, and purpose God promises without this kind of community, especially when we’re not yet married.

If we want to be truly happy in our jobs, we cannot base our happiness on our jobs or our abilities. Our worship and happiness must be anchored and rooted first and only in God.

The gospel frees us from going to work to prove ourselves, and it frees us from going to work to serve ourselves.

And the muscles we need to wait well for God are built in our waiting for lesser things, such as weddings. All our waiting is worth it, if through it we get more of the one for whom our souls are all ultimately waiting.

Impatience says the Jesus we already have is not enough for us.

There are lots of bad reasons to get married, and the worst is that we think he or she could be what only God can be for us.

It’s not a default calling. God does not do default callings.

Does he love Jesus more than he loves me? Does she follow through on her promises? Do I see him showing self-control, or compromising to get what he wants? Is she willing to lovingly tell me when I’m wrong?

To know God—his sovereign power, his surprising mercy, his sacrificial love, his satisfying friendship—is to hold the keys to sexual purity, even in a sex-crazed society.

To be accountable is to be truly, deeply, consistently known by someone who cares enough to keep us from making mistakes or indulging in sin.