The 36-Hour Day: A Family Guide to Caring for People Who Have Alzheimer Disease, Other Dementias, and Memory Loss (A Johns Hopkins Press Health Book)

by Nancy L. Mace

A wife contributed the following interpretations of the things her husband often said. Of course, we cannot know what a person who has dementia feels or means, but this wife has found loving ways to interpret and accept the painful things her husband says. He says: “I want to go home.” He means: “I want to go back to the condition of life, the quality of life, when everything seemed to have a purpose and I was useful, when I could see the products of my hands, and when I was without the fear of small things.” He says: “I don’t want to die.” He means: “I am sick, although I feel no pain. Nobody realizes just how sick I am. I feel this way all of the time, so I must be going to die. I am afraid of dying.” Try not to reason with a person who is complaining. Instead, use distraction, or respond sympathetically by acknowledging the feelings behind the complaint. He says: “I have no money.” He means: “I used to carry a wallet with some money in it. It is not in my back pants pocket now. I am angry because I cannot find it. There is something at the store that I want to buy. I’ll have to look some more.” He says: “Where is everyone?” He means: “I see people around me, but I don’t know who they are. These unfamiliar faces do not belong to my family. Where is my mother? Why has she left me?”