becoming.

by Renaada Williams

some say if it doesn't hurt it cant be love but if it does you shouldn't want it anyway

i stayed longer longer than i should have trying to teach you how to love me when i didn't even know what that meant.

i cried myself to sleep while you lay next to me unbothered unaware and uninterested

i like a fool stayed waiting for the day you would do something different

i loved myself first and even then they didn't love me back

i expected you to fix me failing to realize soon after you left i would still be broken

love changed me it made me feel like i should be second it made me forget i had needs it made me compromise myself and ultimately it broke my heart

and just like that e v e r y t h i n g about you suddenly changed the way you looked the way you talked and even your actions because i no longer cared.

i kept going not because i wanted to trust me, all of me wanted to stop. i kept going because i deserved to know what not giving up on myself felt like.

wont apologize to the people that don't know my struggle they will never endure my pain. they do not understand my journey but they will always be able to hear about it as long as i am able to write about it.

i believe in every single thing you stand for. i believe in your spirit i believe in your strength i believe in your journey and i believe that whatever you put fourth the effort to achieve you will do that and then some! i love you on purpose and don't you ever forget that.