Can You Keep a Secret?

by Sophie Kinsella

It’s just like Julie Andrews said. When the dog bites, when the bee stings … I simply remember I have a boyfriend—and suddenly things don’t seem quite so completely shit. Or however she put it.

knight in shining armor is not a realistic option. But there’s a part of me that wants a huge, amazing romance. I want passion. I want to be swept off my feet. I want an earthquake, or a … I don’t know, a huge whirlwind … something exciting. Sometimes I feel as if there’s this whole new, thrilling life waiting for me out there, and if I can just—”

feel as though I’ve turned into a grown-up overnight. I’m moving in with my boyfriend! Finally my life is going the way it should!

Her parents would never have let her be an artist, though. She once told her dad she’d like to be a painter—and he gave her this whole tirade about how she wouldn’t make any money and she’d starve, and he wouldn’t bail her out, if that’s what she thought. Poor old Lissy was really freaked out. I mean, she was only seven.

“Well … what about some of these cards?” I pull out a bundle of old Christmas cards. “I never throw away cards.” Grandpa gives me a long look. “When you get to my age; when the people you’ve known and loved all your life start to pass away … you want to hang on to any memento. However small.”

But the truth is, quite a lot of the time Katie is surprised by life. It’s like she’s unprepared. Like she was never given the instruction manual.

It’s the man from the plane.

Oh, who am I kidding? I knew this was going to happen. As soon as I heard he hadn’t gone to America. I knew.

“I’m serious. What does Emma Corrigan want out of life? Money? Fame? Security?” “Happiness, I suppose. Doing what I want to be doing. Feeling I’ve made my mark on the world.”

On Saturday morning I get up extra early, exfoliate all over, shave under my arms, rub in my most expensive body cream, and paint my toenails. Just because it’s always a good thing to be well groomed. No other reason.

I once read an article called “Make Things Go Your Way” that said if a day doesn’t turn out as you intended, you should go back and chart the differences between your goals and your results, and this will help you learn from your mistakes.

bookish.

“Yes, you did!” I hear myself exclaiming. “You knew exactly what you were doing! You knew how desperate I was! Ever since you arrived in this family, you’ve tried to squash me down. You tease me about my crap career. You boast about yourself. I spend my entire life feeling small and stupid. Well, fine. You win,

“Oh, God, Lissy. I’m completely in love with him.” “In love?” She flicks on the kettle. “Emma, are you sure? You’ve only known him about five minutes.” “That doesn’t matter! We’re already complete soul mates! There’s no need to pretend with him … or try to be something I’m not … And the sex is amazing … He’s everything I never had with Connor. Everything. And he’s interested in me. You know, he asks me questions all the time, and he seems really genuinely fascinated by the answers!” I spread my arms with a blissful smile. “You know, Lissy, all my life I had this feeling that something wonderful was about to happen to me. I always just … knew it, deep down inside. And now it has.”

“Sorry,” I say out loud, and touch one of its leaves. “It’s just your owner is a real cow. But then, you probably knew that.”

“We’re surrounded these days by images of perfect, glossy people,” Jack is saying with animation. “But this girl is real. She has bad-hair days and good-hair days. She wears G-strings even though she finds them uncomfortable. She writes out exercise routines, then ignores them. She pretends to read business journals but hides celebrity magazines inside them.”

“She believes in love and romance. She believes her life is one day going to be transformed into something wonderful and exciting. She has hopes and fears and worries, just like anyone. Sometimes she feels frightened.” He pauses, and adds in a softer voice, “Sometimes she feels unloved. Sometimes she feels she will never gain approval from those people who are most important to her.”

“But she’s brave and good-hearted and faces her life head-on.” He shakes his head and smiles at the interviewer. “I’m … I’m so sorry. I don’t know what happened there. I guess I got a little carried away.

I have never been so completely and utterly mortified in all my life.

The realization hits me properly for the first time, and I feel a tear roll down my cheek, swiftly followed by another. Jack used me.

close my eyes as fresh mortification washes over me. “I have never felt more … exposed. The whole world knows I find G-strings uncomfortable and I don’t really kickbox, and I’ve never read Dickens …” My voice is wobbling more and more, and suddenly I begin to sob. “Oh, God, Lissy. You were right. I feel such a complete … fool. He was just using me, right from the beginning. He was never really interested in me. I was just a … a market research project.”

WITHOUT PREJUDICE clearly under my name. “What does that mean?” I say. “It means ‘I’ll never forgive you, you complete bastard … but I’ll keep the flowers anyway.’ ”

It’s one of those amazingly bright, crisp mornings that make you feel like London really is the best city in the world. The sun is glinting off the river and the windows of office blocks, and the dome of St. Paul’s looks like a picture postcard against the blue sky. And as I stride along from the tube station, my spirits can’t help rising a little.

“Such a big deal?” I cry in disbelief, nearly knocking over a lady with a shopping trolley. “You came into my life. You fed me this huge, amazing romance. You made me fall in lo—” I halt myself. “You said you were gripped by me. You made me … care for you … and I believed every single word.” My voice has a treacherous wobble. “I believed you, Jack. But all the way along, you had an ulterior motive. You were just using me for your stupid research. All the time, you were just … using me.”

“The truth is, some relationships are supposed to last forever, and some are only supposed to last a few days. That’s the way life is.”

I haven’t seen her so happy for months. I’m so proud of her— To my horror, tears start to prick my eyes. And now my nose is starting to run. I don’t even have a tissue. This is so embarrassing. I’m going to have to sniff, like a mother at a nativity play. Next I’ll be standing up and running to the front with my camcorder, going, “Hello, darling—wave!”

He draws breath and gazes at me, his eyes so dark they’re almost black. “I met a girl on a plane. And … my whole life changed as a result.”

Because what I’ve really learned is, if you can’t be honest with your friends and colleagues and loved ones, then what is life all about?