You've Got 8 Seconds: Communication Secrets for a Distracted World

by Paul Hellman

“In Maine we have a saying that there’s no point in speaking unless you can improve on silence.” —EDMUND MUSKIE, former U.S. Senator and Secretary of State

Detail is like salt. You can always add more. (If others want more, they’ll ask questions.) But once in, you can’t take it out.

At a 2016 Democratic debate, one of the candidates, a former U.S. senator, told us that he had five daughters and one son.

Then the candidate recovered: “Julia! Massage therapist!” (Luckily, daughters #4 and #5 were both in school, so they were quickly dispensed with.)

I really want to know the name of the candidate! I tried to figure this out with a Google search or two but alas, no luck.

“The problem,” he said, in a somber voice, “is fog.” That sounded like a perfectly good reason to me; I wish he’d left it there. But then he added, “Several other planes are about to land. Let’s see how that goes.”

Although these questions seldom get asked directly, they’re the hurdles you have to jump, in sequence, to capture and hold attention: 1. Why should I listen (or read this)? 2. What exactly are you saying? 3. What should I do with this info?

Audience, if you listen, you’ll either get something good, or else you’ll avoid something bad.”

This is the what's in it for you for the listener.

Try opening your presentation with a picture: prison. “Our purpose today,” you could say, “is to avoid going there.”

Back then, I didn’t think of myself as clueless, but not thinking you’re clueless is probably one of the main signs that you might be.

He could have said: “You won’t remember anything I’m about to tell you. Except for ONE THING, and we’ll get to that one thing in a minute.” If you say that, you create suspense. Then all you need is the ONE THING.

Churchill reputedly said, “Never give in, never give in, never, never, never!” That was the whole speech, then he sat down! Or at least, that’s the legend, which I’d heard—and spread!—before learning the whole story. Turns out, Churchill did say those words, but they were tucked into a longer, 740-word speech.2 Where did the legend of a one-line speech come from? My guess is that “Never give in, never give in, never, never, never!” was the one line everyone remembered. And Churchill must have delivered it with “a tremendous whack” (as he advised others to do).

The main thing is to know the main thing. That way, when you walk into the boardroom expecting to deliver a 20-minute presentation, and the CEO says, “Sorry, you’ve only got 5,” you know what to cut. Because you know your main message.

Do you ever overcomplicate things? Sometimes I’ll read an article where the author—as if suddenly possessed—starts inserting German words like doppelganger or schadenfreude. These words should all be verboten. Whoops, I meant forbidden. Let’s stick to simple German words like hamburger. The basic rule with foreign words: if you can’t eat it, don’t say it.

“What does a good message sound like?” “Simple,” Bill said. “First, give me your conclusion. Then tell me how you got there. Then give me your conclusion again.” The next time you’re speaking (or writing) to senior executives, begin at the end.

Q: (What’s) the one thing a gate agent should never say? A: “Unfortunately.” At JetBlue, we say “As it turns out.”

Love it!

You can overuse any word. Sometimes I overuse so. So do others. So, reports the New York Times, is the new sentence opener.2

When you let yourself write badly, you loosen up and the words flow. Then, but not before, you’ve got something to edit. All writing is rewriting. That’s the best writing advice I ever got. But first, you’ve got to get something down. Create first, edit later.

Update your subject line. “Let’s postpone today’s call.” That subject line—for a call later today that’s not being postponed—was originally written for last week’s postponed call. And then never changed. Updating the subject line is like changing your underwear. Do it at least daily.

Respond. Respond to emails quickly. Even if it’s just to let the other person know you won’t be responding quickly.

yes!

adapt your style to the other person. If you send me an email with Dear, I’ll probably write Dear back. And if you skip the greeting, I’ll do the same.

I totally do this. I look to see if they said "Carolyn," or "Hi Carolyn!" or use no greeting at all and respond the same way.

Announcements are different from discussions; they should look, sound, and feel different.2 As a leader, it’s easy to get tripped up; you might overuse one mode or send out confusing signals about which mode you’re in. Firing someone is an announcement. You wouldn’t say, “George, suppose, just for argument’s sake, we asked you to turn in your badge, pack up your desk, and get the hell out of here—would that be terribly inconvenient?”

On my way home from work, my wife sometimes phones: “Is there any way you could possibly pick up some milk?” she asks. I know right away that I’m headed for the supermarket. But my wife has a sweet way of asking—she gives me the illusion of control.

“For 95% of you, when you think you’re being obnoxiously aggressive, you’re really just being appropriately assertive.”

you can predict which surgeons will get sued just by listening to their tone of voice for 40 seconds, even if you can’t understand a word they’re saying. The worst tone for surgeons? Dominant. That’s according to psychologist Nalini Ambady.3

Ever notice that telling yourself how tired you feel doesn’t really help? “I’m completely exhausted,” you think. “But wait, now that I’ve said that, suddenly my energy has skyrocketed!” Not likely.

Commitment: Makes and keeps commitments. Takes responsibility for getting things done. Stays true to one’s values. Persists, persists, persists.

To move more, invest in a really bad chair. Unfortunately, I’ve got a really good chair, with a cushy seat you could sit on forever. This chair is all wrong. Your ideal chair is rock-hard and extremely painful. That’s the kind you want, one you can’t sit on. p.s. I wrote all these ideas “in one sitting.” I think it shows.

So witty

Schein identified eight anchors. When I first saw the list, one anchor jumped out: autonomy. (You can find the list by searching “Ed Schein’s 8 career anchors.”)10

“Loss aversion,” says Dan Ariely, author of Predictably Irrational, “means that our emotional reaction to a loss is about twice as intense as our joy at a comparable gain.”12 So we’ll go out of our way to avoid loss. That’s why we’d rather hold on to a losing stock than bite the bullet and reinvest our money. And we’d rather hold on to a losing job than reinvest our energy.

His message: Take a chance. And if you screw up, that’s ok. What would you try if you knew you couldn’t fail? Everyone’s afraid. But some people act anyway.

“Let’s just treat people nice,” he told an interviewer. “Sometimes people don’t deserve to be treated nice. But let’s just do it anyway, because that’s just the way we want to do business.”

David Neeleman, Jetblue

The law of agreement, applied to work, means to first greet an idea, criticism, or question with something positive. You could say, “Here’s what I like about that,” or “here’s what your idea makes me think about.” Then state your concerns.

When was the last time you missed a train? Or a plane? Rarely happens, right? On the other hand, people are late for meetings all the time. More about that in a second.

Whelp. I missed a plan last year but I am almost on time for meetings - I like this way better. ha

I was trying to park at Logan Airport in Boston, Lot E. I love Lot E, for the main reason that it’s outdoors, so you have at least a 50-50 shot of finding your car again.

“Loose-Tight.” Tight means setting high standards and striving to do your best. Tight is familiar to high-performers. Tight is your inner mountain-climber. Loose means letting go and relaxing. Loose means, once the show starts, you go with whatever happens. Loose is your inner beach bum. To be exceptional—whether you’re in a high-stakes meeting or just doing your daily work—you need both. Suppose you’re giving a presentation. Tight means you’ll be well prepared. But if you’re too tight, you’ll sound scripted and tense.