First Things First

by Stephen R. Covey

SUPPOSE one of us were to challenge you to an arm wrestle. The objective is to win as much as you can. The time limit is 60 seconds, and we have an observer who has agreed to give the winner a dime whenever one of us gets the other one down. We’re poised and ready for action. Now suppose, for the sake of the example, that we immediately get you down. But instead of keeping you there, we immediately release the pressure and let you get us down. We quickly respond and go for another down. Out of habit, you resist. You want to win. Your muscles are strained, your brows are furrowed in concentration. But in the midst of the struggle, it suddenly occurs to you that each of us now has a dime. If you were to give us another win, and we gave you another win, and you gave us another win . . . we’d both end up winning a whole lot more. So we work together, going back and forth, back and forth quickly—and in 60 seconds we each make three dollars instead of one of us settling for ten cents. This is the essence of win-win: in almost all situations, cooperation is far more productive than competition. The lesson isn’t that we take turns losing—you’re on top one minute; we’re on top the next. It’s that between us is the ability to work together to achieve far more than either of us could on our own.