First Things First

by Stephen R. Covey

There are women who choose motherhood for a season who don’t earn the character and competence because they aren’t deeply connected to a vision of the role and don’t fully apply their creative energy to it. But those who do are empowered to fulfill other roles with excellence.

When we see our roles as segmented parts of life, we develop a scarcity chronos mentality.

But principles empower us with an abundance mentality. There’s more of everything. We can think win-win with all the roles in our lives, to see them as parts of a highly interrelated whole.

work them out in our deep inner life,

But if we have paid the price, our roles are like the branches of a living tree. They grow naturally out of a common trunk—our mission, the unique fulfillment of our needs and capacities—and common roots—the principles that give sustenance and life.

This deep connection with vision gives passion and energy to our roles.

On the other hand, roles that are truncated from needs, principles, and mission—a work role that has no meaning except economic security; a relationship based on illusion instead of principle; or community service based on the expectations of others instead of inner conviction—have no sustaining power because they don’t tap into that deep burning “yes!”

Success or failure in any role contributes to the quality of every other role and life as a whole.

Without this “big picture” awareness of our roles, we can easily become consumed by some roles to the neglect of others.

There are times in our lives when imbalance is balance, when a short-term focus contributes to our overall mission in life.

Other times when short-term imbalance creates long-term balance might include involvement in a meaningful project of contribution, caring for an elderly parent, or starting a new business.

During times of chosen imbalance, we may feel more comfortable listing only one or two roles during weekly organizing.

The vital factor in any choice concerning balance in our lives is a deep connection with our inner voice of conscience.

I do not, for instance, regret the long hours I invested in the early years of building our business.

The real problem comes, however, when I—or any of us—go into unconscious overdrive, forgetting to shift back out of high gear after such a bout with adrenaline has served its purpose.

Only as we keep an open communication with our deep inner life will we have the wisdom to make effective choices.

I discovered the anchor is trusting myself a lot more and knowing that I can walk away from situations—and it’s okay. Realizing that has been liberating. I’ve learned to say no in deference to a larger “yes” in my life.

When following our inner voice leads us into times of short-term imbalance, we can involve others whose lives are affected by the focus and work out an interdependent balance together.

Instead of taking us away from our family, in many ways it’s brought us closer. It’s something we’ve done together. And we’ve all grown in the process.

stewards over our time, our talents, our resources.

Stewardship involves a sense of being accountable to someone or something higher than self.

the idea that we can destroy or misuse any resource with impunity is an illusion. We’re creating results that impact quality of life for future generations.

There’s no way we can escape accountability.

And regardless of our own scripting, we can exercise our unique human endowments and choose the kind of stewards we want to be.

Instead of a task orientation that gets in the way of relationships, awareness of the social dimension of each role helps us develop a people orientation that creates rich, rewarding relationships with the people with whom we live and work.

It’s taking time to exercise, to read, to connect with our deep inner life so that we increase the character and competence, the energy and wisdom we bring to every role in our lives.

The first role on the weekly worksheet, “sharpen the saw,” is the only role that has a printed title. All the rest are blank. That’s because “sharpen the saw” is our personal PC role. It reminds us not to be so busy sawing that we don’t take time to sharpen the saw. Through this role, we renew each of the four dimensions on a daily basis and we increase the character and competence, the energy and wisdom we bring to every other role in our lives.

Organizing information according to roles is consistent with your own mental process.

The virtues of “measurable, specific, and time-bound” goals have been preached from the pulpit of self-help books for generations.

Goal setting is obviously a powerful process.

It’s a common denominator of successful individuals and organizations.

When we make and keep commitments, such as setting and achieving goals, we make deposits. We increase our confidence in our own trustworthiness, in our ability to make and keep commitments to ourselves and to others. A high balance in this account is a great source of strength and security.

Building character strength is like building physical strength. When the test comes, if you don’t have it, no cosmetics can disguise the fact that it just isn’t there. You can’t fake it. It takes strength to set a heroic goal, to work on chronic problems instead of going for the “quick fix,” to stay with your commitments when the tide of popular opinion turns against you.

We find it hard to maintain a high balance in our Personal Integrity Account when we constantly change our goals or fail to achieve our goals.

This man was focused on a single goal and measured everything against it. But he failed to count the total cost. That million dollars cost him a lot more than it was worth.

The key is in using our four human endowments in a synergistic way in setting and achieving principle-based goals.

We use our imagination to keep the goal in mind, and our independent will to pay the price to achieve it.

Goals that are connected to our inner life have the power of passion and principle. They’re fueled by the fire within and based on “true north” principles that create quality-of-life results.

One of the best ways to access this power is to ask three vital questions: what? why? and how?

What do I desire to accomplish? What is the contribution I want to make? What is the end I have in mind?

What we seek, we generally find. When we set goals that are in harmony with conscience and the principles that create quality of life, we seek—and find—the best.

Why do I want to do it? Does my goal grow out of mission, needs, and principles? Does it empower me to contribute through my roles?

The commitments we make in a moment of enthusiasm don’t have the sustaining power to carry us all the way to successful achievement of our goals.

The key to motivation is motive. It’s the “why.” It’s what gives us the energy to stay strong in hard moments. It gives us the strength to say “no” because we connect with a deeper “yes!” burning inside.

How am I going to do it? What are the key principles that will empower me to achieve my purpose? What strategies can I use to implement these principles?

“I really care about trying to make this world a better place.”

Many businesses are so focused on the economic or physical dimension that they never tap into the deeper motivations.

It soon becomes apparent that knowing what to do and even deeply wanting to do it are not enough. The doing has to be based on the principles that create quality of life.

Doing the right thing for the right reason in the right way is the key to quality of life, and that can only come through the power of an educated conscience that aligns us with vision, mission, and true north.

Our trustworthiness is only as high as the balance in our Personal Integrity Account.