From Here to Eternity: Traveling the World to Find the Good Death

by Caitlin Doughty

Since religion is the source of many death rituals, often we invoke belief to denigrate the practices of others.

That is to say, we consider death rituals savage only when they don’t match our own.

“Saved from the worms, consumed by the purifying flame.”

Maybe a process like recomposition is our attempt to reclaim our corpses. Maybe we wish to become soil for a willow tree, a rosebush, a pine—destined in death to both rot and nourish on our own terms.

With so many choosing cremation, long-standing cemeteries are being converted into parks, community gardens, even children’s playgrounds.

When the feelings come, the fear of death, I must feel those feelings. I must pay my bill. It is being alive.”

In my practice as a mortician I’ve found that both cleaning the body and spending time with it serves a powerful role in processing grief. It helps mourners see the corpse not as a cursed object, but as a beautiful vessel that once held their loved one.

Insist on being involved, even if it is just brushing your mother’s hair as she lies in her casket. Insist on applying her favorite shade of lipstick, the one she wouldn’t dream of going to the grave without. Insist on cutting a small lock of her hair to place in a locket or a ring. Do not be afraid. These are human acts, acts of bravery and love in the face of death and loss.