Your vagina smells. And it’s pretty loose. Your face is a mess. You look tired. And pale. And old. Cover your lips. And your eyes. And your cheeks. Actually, while you’re at it, can you just put a coat of paint over your whole fucking face? But not like “too much.” You still want to look natural. And let’s not even talk about your hair. Please straighten that, you monster. But, like, still have it maintain a good amount of volume, okay? Wait, wait, wait, are you trying to walk out of the house without your leg makeup on? Also, you look fat. Have you eaten today? How. Dare. You . . . And voilà,
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