Chuck Klosterman X: A Highly Specific, Defiantly Incomplete History of the Early 21st Century

by Chuck Klosterman

There is a massive sector of the populace who think they are partially responsible for what occurs in the games they’re watching on television; they believe their psychic energy plays a role in what happens to other people in other cities. These consumers tend to fall into one or more of the following categories: People who get mad at strangers for not standing up and cheering at live events. People who swear at inanimate objects. People who refer to teams composed of people they’ve never met as “We.” People who think God has a vested interest in certain teams succeeding. People who applaud at the conclusion of movies, just in case the director happens to be sitting in the theater. People who worry about Susan Miller.27 People who refuse to accept that even “live” TV events are on a seven-second delay. People who set their watch five minutes ahead in order to fool themselves into being on time.