Chuck Klosterman X: A Highly Specific, Defiantly Incomplete History of the Early 21st Century

by Chuck Klosterman

When David Bowie died in January 2016, the level of communal online mourning was so massive (and so prolonged) that I wondered if we’d reached the apex of social media as a means for memorializing the passing of celebrities. “We can’t do this for everybody,” I thought to myself. “We will run out of poignant hyperboles.” But then Prince died in April, and the escalation advanced. Dying used to be an occupational risk to living like a rock star, but it’s now the primary thing rock stars do.

Here’s Page in a 1977 interview with the magazine Rock Focus: “I prefer to eat liquid food, something like a banana daiquiri—sort of the thing they would give to invalids. I’m not into solid foods very much . . . I do have a blender, but nobody’s gotten it together yet. The blender thing is great. I mean, I’ll never turn down some alcohol, so a banana daiquiri with all the food protein is the answer to the problem. It got me through the last tour, having that every day and nothing else to eat.”

Contradictory side note: We should not overlook the large contingent of long-distance runners who find the whole question of “the fastest man alive” patently ridiculous, simply because humans are all relatively slow (at least compared to most other mammals). Humans are designed for distance running. Christopher McDougall, author of the best-selling book Born to Run, actually thinks this debate is borderline sexist. “My bedrock feeling about sprinting is that we only get excited about it because boys are better than girls. Men set the entertainment agenda, so we pick the events that give us an edge over women. As a species, we’re awful sprinters. Really bad. The average amputee dog can hold his own against any high school track star . . . It takes a really prosperous, secure society to perfect frivolous pursuits. In a way, our quest for speed isn’t far removed from [the MTV show] Jackass. But I’m a grouch.” Daniel