Insight: Why We Are Less Self-Aware Than We Think—and What to Do About It

by Tasha Eurich

And if you set yourself up for success, the conversation will probably go more smoothly than you think. First, Misner says, mental preparation is key. Spend some time trying to anticipate what might be said and bracing yourself for the worst-case scenario. Second, make a decision about how “deep” you want to go. The closer we are to the person we choose, the more insight we stand to gain, but the scarier the conversation might be. Third, Misner warns his students that the person you ask might not be ready to open up to you right away; if that’s the case, he suggests reminding them that this is intended to help you grow, and that all you want to do is check your perceptions against theirs. This gives them permission to be honest and candid rather than cautious and polite. Then, once your dinner companion starts sharing the feedback, Misner says, your job is to keep the conversation going. It will be tempting to shut down this line of inquiry as quickly as humanly possible. But to get the most out of this exercise, Misner recommends asking questions to clarify as necessary, just as he did with his kids during his maiden voyage of the exercise.