What the Hell Did I Just Read (John Dies at the End, #3)

by David Wong

It rained like we were a splatter of bird shit God was trying to hose off his deck.

“Past experience has only taught us not to rely on past experience.”

“You want sympathy, you can find it in the dictionary between shit and syphilis.”

No matter who you are or where you’re from, we can all look upon the raw, energetic creations of children and agree that they are very shitty artists.

I think she just likes that sense of being among ancient knowledge, feeling like the past is something sacred rather than the actions of a bunch of bucket shitters who were even more stupid and superstitious than we are now.

The reality is that society had gotten too fast, noisy, and stressful for the human brain to process and everybody was ingesting something to either keep up or dull the shame of falling behind. For those few who truly live clean, well, it’s the self-righteousness that gets them high.

the storm was now an enormous animal frantically gnawing away at the wooden shell of the church to get to the soft meat inside.

Whether you “see” the universe as pure or corrupt, peaceful or violent, just or unjust, is largely determined by what you need to believe in order to motivate yourself to continue living for another day.

They just do not grasp the fact that they do not believe based on what they observe; they observe based on what they have been tricked into believing.

“Trying to find logic in anything They do is like asking what motivates glass to cut your mouth when you try to eat it.”

I won’t win, you’re a trained soldier and I’m a sack of guts designed to convert beer into piss and depression.

If you understand how this sort of thing could work, please write down your explanation with as much clarity and detail as you can, then throw it in the trash because who gives a shit.

“Word around town is that you had something to do with it.” “The only word around this town is ‘meth’.”

They didn’t have witch hunts because they believed in witches. They believed in witches so they could have witch hunts.”

Problem isn’t that there’s not enough heroes in the world, problem is too many dumb people assume they are one.”

There were open empty sex toy packages scattered around the floor, as if the place had been ransacked by looters looking to spice up their marriages.

We will live and die according to how we interpret the unfamiliar. All of human culture is nothing more than that very process, playing out again and again.

Academic, man of the cloth, author, adventurer, and reality show host Dr. Albert Marconi’s most recent book mentions me several times and each time makes me look like an asshole. So, he’s good with research.

“Society is nothing more than people cooperating with other people they’d much rather murder.

They were in John’s Jeep, parked outside Taco Bill on a street hidden under a sheet of rippling water in a neighborhood that looked like it had dressed up as Venice for a costume party and then woke up in a dumpster.