What the Hell Did I Just Read (John Dies at the End, #3)

by David Wong

“You want to hear a story? Well, buckle the fuck up.”

Why not worry about your high blood pressure, or take a moment to see if your smoke detector batteries are up to date? Those things are way more likely to kill you than whatever is knocking over salt shakers in your kitchen at night.

my apartment is above a sex toy shop, called the Venus Flytrap.

it’s like trying to rescue an orange after it’s been juiced. Not my monkeys, not my circus.”

“You want sympathy, you can find it in the dictionary between shit and syphilis.”

The people with health insurance get antidepressants and Adderall, the rich get cocaine, the clean-living Christians settle for mug after mug of coffee and all-you-can-eat buffets. The reality is that society had gotten too fast, noisy, and stressful for the human brain to process and everybody was ingesting something to either keep up or dull the shame of falling behind.

They didn’t have witch hunts because they believed in witches. They believed in witches so they could have witch hunts.”

“Society is nothing more than people cooperating with other people they’d much rather murder.

our greatest fears and our greatest desires are, in fact, two sides of the same coin.