Hero: Being the Strong Father Your Children Need

by Meg Meeker

Having a strong moral conscience, a firm idea of what is right and wrong, is part of being a man, it is part of what defines a hero, and it is part and parcel of what it takes to be a father who is the moral leader of his family.

Moral courage isn’t an option. If you want a close relationship with your children, it’s a necessity. Period. Nothing will make or break your relationship with your kids more than this.

Coaches have to coach to win, sure, and to improve their players’ skills and sense of strategy. But leader dads have to go beyond that, and teach their sons that character is what matters—the discipline, the dedication, the effort, the commitment, and yes the sense of fair play—all those qualities that can be nurtured in sports and turned to greater ends.

When children hit pre-puberty, their attention often turns from their mother to their father, with boys needing to learn what it is to be a man and girls needing to know what they should expect from a man. Boys need a father’s affirmation of their masculinity; girls need their fathers to confirm that they are loved and valued.

The trick for dads is to never assume that your children know that they are loved and valued. Communicating your love for your child is so extremely important.

But playing with dad can give kids the self-confidence to challenge themselves and take healthy risks—and that’s important for character development.

Children need you to be calm when they are agitated, strong when they are weak, confident when they are fearful. That, in many ways, is what being a dad is all about.

If you want to remain a hero, tell the truth; and even better than that, live the truth.

What do I mean by affirmation? I mean letting children know how intrinsically valuable they are to you (and to God)—that they are valuable to you because they are your children, not because of any prowess they might have—and how confident you are in their ability to handle challenges and situations, even if some, or many, require your help.

One of the wonderful things about children is that one sentence, one well-timed power word, or one wink of your eye at the right moment can change their lives.

Courageous men are men who set standards, abide by them, and enforce them. They are models not just of bravery, but of self-discipline, self-restraint, tenacity, and wisdom gleaned from experience.

If you have a daughter and she isn’t gifted with tremendous physical beauty, be very, very careful. If she ever overhears you remarking about her figure, her homeliness, or comparing her to another girl, the damage to her sense of self-worth could take years to heal. What you say matters. Focus on your daughter’s character strengths, and you will find that your relationship with her will deepen. (It will also remind her that character is what really matters.)

1) Teach them where their real value comes from. Children need to know—and parents, especially fathers, are the ones to teach them—that they have intrinsic self-worth. Never let your children doubt how much they mean to you.

2) Talk to them about being courageous. Once your children understand that their lives matter and have purpose, you can challenge them to be courageous in age-appropriate ways—ways that allow you to say, “I know this is hard but you can do it.”

Teach them to accept challenges rather than to avoid them.

Perseverance, which is a characteristic I’ve noted in all strong fathers, is one of the best traits a man can have; it is what makes you win; what allows you to finish the race; and why your family can rely on you through thick and thin.

Getting closer to your kids is easy. All you have to do is stay engaged and stick with it.

Like every hero meeting an obstacle, you need to take a deep breath and then press on because your son or daughter needs you more than they can say. Your tenacity and perseverance have to kick in, your willingness to forgive and even to apologize have to be there.