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The key thing is to underline that virtue is its own reward,
Your daughter needs to see you control your temper when your wife is angry with you. Your son needs to see you refuse to tell lies. What they don’t need to see is you joking with friends about cheating on your taxes or at work. For them that won’t be a joke, it will simply sabotage your attempt to set a good example.
stand up for your kids. Have the courage to do the right thing no matter what the cost.
Courage is a virtue, and not coincidentally, the Latin word virtus means “manliness, the spirit, or strength of spirit required to be a man.”
God tells us that we are to call him Abba, which is an assurance that we can rest safe and secure, comforted and protected, accepted and cherished, in his arms.
God abandons no man who wants his help, and his patience with us is a mirror of the patience we as parents must sometimes have with our own children.
Responsibility Demanding Respect
Many parents don’t understand that their children want them to be responsible adults.
respect from your children is critical to a healthy relationship with them. Sons imitate what they respect.
the son who can trust his father moves closer to him. He knows that his father is dependable. That leads to respect, and from respect comes imitation.
I think it is because the respect and admiration a son feels for his father intensifies after his father’s death—after the son is forced to reconcile himself to mortality and to recognize the full strength of his father’s example. The father lives on in his son.
your children to grow up to be healthy adults, they need to respect you. Respect is not commanded, it is earned.
Some fathers are fabulous dads but they allow their children to talk to them as though they were classmates. I hear young kids yell at their fathers, call them names, or give them snide looks. Don’t allow your children to treat you this way. This is wrong—to you and to your children.
I have seen brilliant men apologize for making their children angry; they excuse their children for yelling at them. I have watched good men stand by and allow their teenagers to call them “stupid” or a “jerk.”
healthy fear is a good thing, because it is nothing more than a sign of awe and respect, of not wanting to do wrong before a judge who really matters. (Remember how God says in Proverbs “the beginning of all wisdom is fear of the Lord.”)
Teach your children well—for they are the Americans of tomorrow, for good or for ill. As parents, the next generation is in our care. We have a responsibility to guide them on the right path.
Restrained Power
Our culture, when it was healthier, made this easier, because it expected men to watch their language, to dress and behave with decorum, to abide by the standards of Judeo-Christian morality, to perform what was regarded as their duty as men.
The forbearing use of power does not only form a touchstone, but the manner in which an individual enjoys certain advantages over others is a test of a true gentleman.
We can see in God a restrained use of power. God wants us to love him, but in the end he does not command us or force us.
One of the great rewards for fathers is that the more your children see you as a man of courage, humility, patience, self-control, and warmth, the more they will want to adopt these qualities as their own.
exhibit the self-control of a hero.
The things you don’t do or say—your self-restraint—can be even more powerful than the things you do.
Most of all keep faith with your children, believe in them. A father’s faith can motivate a child for life.
Nothing can replace a father’s love. “Father” is a word of such profound significance, meaning, and hope that it was the first word Jesus uttered when he was crucified.
It wasn’t just running marathons, it was refusing to give up on his son when doctors and schools told him his case was hopeless, when race authorities (at first) refused to let him participate. Dick never took no for an answer.
runs. Perseverance, which is a characteristic I’ve noted in all strong fathers, is one of the best traits a man can have;
Every man has these qualities—summed up, for me, in the word perseverance—but few men actually realize their full potential. I’ve seen, and you probably have as well, that too many men simply meander through life waiting for others to take a lead, or they think the effort to succeed isn’t necessary or even possible. It’s a problem that’s getting worse, because, unfortunately, it’s often encouraged by women.
There was a word that grabbed me. His father was consistent—holding high standards for his kids and himself, year in and year out. That’s how a great father shapes and leads a great son.
His father trained him to always take the hard road—that is, to work hard, to act with discipline and self-control, and to remain faithful to what is right and true.
he put God first, family second, and work (though he was very hardworking) third.
He was a leader, not a follower.
I want them to work hard, just like my father showed me. He worked hard and made his way and I want my kids to learn the same thing so that they don’t have to depend on others to do what they can do for themselves.”
Let’s be honest: no one admires a quitter—and that “no one” includes your wife and children.
You need to confront your worst mistakes.
The important thing—the very important thing—is that your child knows that you care about him;
never take your child’s behaviors personally.
The most heroic act you can perform is to face your son (or daughter) in a calm manner and apologize for any harm you’ve done them.
reconciliation within a family is more important than winning an argument or standing on one’s innocence or guarding one’s pride.
If you make reconciliation a priority—if you have the courage to apologize—you’ll feel stronger, not weaker, because you have conquered your ego.
“And what about God? Does he forgive me too?”
I learned how important forgiveness is to men, to fathers, even to heroes, because my father had always been a hero to me.
No matter who you are or what your life is like, you need to know forgiveness. It is critical to happiness and to every one of your relationships—especially with your children. Learn the art of forgiveness. Use it. Ask for it from others and give it to yourself.
the one thing that most often prevents fathers from having a good relationship with their kids it would be fear: fear of being rejected; fear of not being worthy; fear of conflict; fear, in the end, of asking for or giving forgiveness. But heroes never give in to fear, and neither should you.
estrangement from a father can be the deepest hurt a son can feel.
Your son waits for you to move closer, to be the first to talk, ask questions, or change. You are the tough one, the strong one, the one who leads by example.
put the phone and other electronic devices away and engage.
Every daughter needs her father.
Thirteen years of estrangement, thirteen years of emptiness, loneliness, and loss all because of a misunderstanding—and yet, when Virginia’s father re-engaged, even when his daughter was a grown woman, it dramatically changed her life for the better. His saying he was sorry wiped out years of pain for Virginia and helped restore her sense of self. Today, she speaks of her reconciliation with her father, and the timing of it, as a miracle given to her from God.
the rejection you feel from them isn’t rejection of you because it isn’t about you. It’s all about them and their own feelings of awkwardness or inadequacy.
