Others feel a need to gorge themselves on detail. In an effort to protect them from information overload, I remind them that once we know, we have to deal with the consequences of knowing. I often ask, Do you really want the answer to your question, or do you want your partner to know that you have the question? I make a distinction between two kinds of inquiry—the detective questions, which mine the sordid details, and the investigative questions, which mine the meanings and the motives. Detective questions include: How many times did you sleep with him? Did you do it in our bed? Does she
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