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People live through such pain only once; pain comes again, but it finds a tougher surface.
Osborne smelled like diesel, tasted like despair, and was surrounded by an ocean of corn. Stupid corn. So much corn.
Sometimes she felt like a child. Sometimes she felt like a caregiver. She didn’t want to be either of those things.
It had been so long since Makani had felt any amount of genuine, unadulterated happiness that she’d forgotten that sometimes it could hurt as much as sadness. His declaration pierced through the muscle of her heart like a skillfully thrown knife. It was the kind of pain that made her feel alive.
Just as it was rude and invasive to ask him about his genitalia or sexual preference, it was equally rude and invasive to ask her about her ethnicity. It was the sort of information that should only be volunteered. Never asked for.
Where are you from? No, where are you from originally? I mean, where are your parents from?
Makani was grateful that she didn’t believe in ghosts; she only believed in the ghostlike quality of painful memories. And she was sure this house had plenty.
Makani wondered why discussing a tragedy—consuming every single story about it—was often comforting. Was it because tragedies manifested a sense of community? Here we are, all going through this terrible thing together. Or were tragedies addictive, and the small pleasures that came from them the signal of a deeper problem?
Everywhere. They were everywhere. Those who had left them and those who had been left behind.
Social boundaries were being crossed everywhere. Students still ate with their own kind, but each group sat a little closer to the other groups, and they weaved in and out of one another’s conversations. They were all talking about the same thing, anyway. It was sad that people only got along when everybody was unhappy.
Makani couldn’t think of a single instance of prayer during school back in Hawaii, but it happened all the time here. And everyone was expected to participate. That was the part that bothered her. Makani genuinely hoped that others, including her grandmother, found peace and strength through prayer. But she wasn’t religious herself, and it made her uncomfortable whenever it was forced upon her.
“The suspect is eighteen-year-old David Thurston Ware,” Creston said when the news returned, and goose bumps prickled her skin. Thurston. Now he had a middle name, too. It didn’t seem right that a murderer should be allowed to have anything in common with his victims. Makani supposed it was for the sake of the world’s non-homicidal David Wares, those few people unfortunate enough to share his namesake. It was like being a Katrina after 2005; it only brought one thing to mind. But at least no one could mistake a woman for a hurricane. Hopefully, the release of his middle name narrowed the
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“Everybody has at least one moment they deeply regret, but that one moment . . . it doesn’t define all of you.”
“Hey, Ollie?” she asked softly. “Yeah?” “You know how you said that I’m a good granddaughter and friend?” He smiled back. “Yeah.” “Do you think I could be a good girlfriend?” Ollie’s hands reached for hers through the dusk. Their fingertips touched, and the streetlights flickered on behind them. “I think you’re already a good girlfriend.”
He sawed through the rib cage—stomping on the knife to help crack the bones faster—and ripped out the heart. He slammed it on top of the glossy college brochures that had been stacked on the table for months. Because Katie’s heart had been set on college. He was funny. Nobody seemed to get that.
Everyone held their breath until the car passed. Red. A Ford Focus. They exhaled. A minute later, there was a new pair of headlights, and their lungs tightened again. And then released. Tightened. Released. It was like that for the remainder of the drive.
“I mean,” he said, “I slept beside you all day and didn’t think about sex once.” Her head remained locked, but her eyes swiveled toward him. He grinned. “That was a lie.”
Running away from home didn’t change the fact that a person still had to live with themselves.
David Thurston Ware died knowing that he would never leave Osborne. David Thurston Ware died knowing that he would be buried there forever.