We’d signed a perverse unspoken contract. Due to some greater good, we were each unwilling to part with the other. At some point, I developed the savage conviction that she would never truly love me. Or perhaps it was the sheer intensity of my love that caused me to fiercely resist her. At my weakest and neediest moments, I avoided her. Otherwise, she’d start messing with me. During those times, I told myself that the problem was in me. I could no longer balance her out as I once had. I was backsliding. She cut me off completely to punish me, and so I stopped craving intimacy. It was all based
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