Notes of a Crocodile

by Qiu Miaojin

I’d prayed for him, and now that he had come, I surrendered, willing to do anything he asked.

Tell me, just this once, if you still think of me. And let me recklessly, tenderly, tell you one more time: I love you.

The moment you call, I turn around.

She had tied me up with wire and left me to die. But when all was said and done, she wanted me to die in her arms.

This woman was like a nautilus in her intricacies. She’d been harboring her love for me like an oyster cultivating a pearl. Yet none of that pleasure was to be mine.

I could lend her my ear, but that was about all. Even though I wanted badly to listen to her endless chatter and answer her every beck and call. And even though I’d come running if she needed me.