Notes of a Crocodile

by Qiu Miaojin

On how to love well: Instead of embracing a romantic ideal, you must confront the meaning of every great love that has shattered, shard by shard.

But here I am, gazing sentimentally at the green light reflected on the water’s surface, savoring what time is left before it goes out.

Gatsby reference the green light was all Gatsby had of Daisy, if it had gone out he would have been left with nothing, no purpose in life at all.

I want you to shatter the illusions I created, and go out and love someone else. Don’t love too much but don’t fail to love, either. Love prudently. Love realistically, just enough to treat someone well.

“You can’t hold on to a beautiful thing forever—not in your memory, not even if you keep loving it. If you tried, it would only die in your possession. Beauty must be free to run its course.”

The deeper you love, the deeper your compassion grows and the more you realize that the other suffers just as you do. When all is said and done, human civilization is ugly and cruel, and the only thing to do is to raze it to the ground, and that’s because kindredness is the one true constant between you and anyone else. The best way for any relationship to end is with the sentiment I wish the best for you, and I am grateful for what we once had together.

After having come so close to ending my life, I came back, my will to live completely reawakened. I faced reality, where I would learn to live again, this time boldly and fearlessly. My body was screaming at me, telling me that life was a gift.

She had come to experience everyone as an intractable burden. Her worst nightmare was to be loved. That was why, at the core of her passion, there was fear. She had rejected love and taught herself to live without intimacy.

“Look at that big building over to the side—all the windows are lit now. When I was a freshman, only five of them were!”

SHE REMEMBERED :( "There's nothing that won't change, do you understand? I said in my heart." There were five lit when she first asked Shui Ling how many lights were on in the building. Back then it was a brand new high rise. Now it is no longer new, as things tend to seem old to you that were once new. But Lazi's heart remembered, and she is learning to accept the changing within her and let go of the old memories she keeps trapped to preserve something that doesn't exist anymore. Wait her journey is literally SO Everything Stays from Adventure Time: Everything stays right where you left it Everything stays But it still changes. Ever so slightly, daily and nightly In little ways, when everything stays. Also like this one tumblr post I saw: "Ach! I'm the exact same but a process has occurred!"

Maybe it’s true that pain is an unavoidable part of existence, but some things are close enough to perfection, and they’re right in front of us. They’ve been there all along, you’re just not willing to admit it.