Stuff I've Been Feeling Lately

by Alicia Cook

The strongest people I know have been overtaken by their weaknesses. They know what it’s like to lose control. The strongest people I know have cried in the shower and in their car. They know loss and guilt all too well. The strongest people I know aren’t bulletproof. They have felt the searing pain of life’s shots. The strongest people I know make the decision every day to wake up and place their two feet on the ground even though they know the monsters beneath their bed will grab at their ankles. The strongest people I know are not strong by definition, at all. They are mistake-makers. They are mess-creators. They are survivors.

This is not a classic underdog story; I am not a phoenix. I did not rise from the ashes— I crawled out from under the soot, fingernails cracked, palms bloody, face muddy. I told you I’d be okay one day. Today is that day.

Self-destruction destroys more than just the individual.