The 5 Second Rule: Transform Your Life, Work, and Confidence with Everyday Courage

by Mel Robbins

I have changed from the kind of person who just thinks about my ideas to having the confidence to share, act on, and pursue them. If you use the Rule consistently and you honor your instincts with action, the exact same transformation will happen to you.

One thing most of us don’t realize is that patterns of thinking like worrying, self-doubt, and fear are all just habits—and you repeat these thought patterns without even realizing it.

We waste so much of our lives waiting for the right time to have the conversation, ask for the raise, bring it up, or start things.

You can feel uncertain and be ready. You can be afraid and do it anyway. You can fear rejection and still go for it.

If you’ve ever wondered why it’s so hard to make yourself do the things that you know will solve your problems and improve your life, the answer is simple. It’s your feelings. None of us realize it, but we make almost every single decision not with logic, not with our hearts, not based on our goals or dreams—but with our feelings.

our feelings about doing it make our decision for us. Your feelings will make the decision before you even realize what happened. How you feel in the moment is almost never aligned with your goals and your dreams.

You must learn how to separate what you feel from the actions that you take. The #5SecondRule is a remarkable tool in this regard.

If you don’t feel like attacking the to-do list on your desk, you won’t, but 5- 4- 3- 2- 1-GO, and you can force yourself to start working on it.

If you don’t learn how to untangle your feelings from your actions, you’ll never unlock your true potential.

When you stop to consider how you feel, you stop moving toward your goal. Once you hesitate, you’ll start thinking about what you need to do, you’ll weigh the pros and cons, you’ll consider how you feel about what you need to do, and you’ll talk yourself out of doing it.

You can’t control how you feel. But you can always choose how you act.

Feelings are merely suggestions, ones the greatest athletes and teams ignore. To change, you must do the same. You must ignore how you feel, and as Nike would tell you, Just Do It anyway.

That “I just don’t feel like it” attitude has a way of taking over your entire day

impulsive behavior like micromanaging your team, snapping in frustration, and binge watching too many TV shows. Just 5- 4- 3- 2- 1 to assert control and shift your focus away from the destructive or impulsive behavior.

Why is getting healthy so hard? You already know the answer—your feelings.

Often, that first step is the hardest. If you fall off the wagon or “slip,” you can get back on track. Slipping is normal. There are days when you won’t feel like it. Remember, you can take control again. It takes just five seconds.

Pick a plan to follow, any plan will do—and then 5- 4- 3- 2- 1-GO. The only thing you will need to choose after that is choosing each and every day to DO IT even though, as Anouk said, you “really really really don’t feel like it.”

Productivity can be boiled down to one word—FOCUS. There are two types of focus you need to master productivity: First the ability to manage distractions so that you can focus moment-to-moment on the task at hand, and second, the skill of focusing on what’s truly important to you in the big picture, so you don’t waste your day on stupid stuff.

Even though you know you should turn off pop-up alerts, silence your phone, and stop checking email every five minutes, this knowledge doesn’t change your behavior.

This is where the #5SecondRule comes into play—you don’t have to want to do it, you just have to push yourself to do it.

Sarah found that her clutter was a major distraction in her life and decided to take action. She used the Rule to beat “emotional” hoarding and 5- 4- 3- 2- 1 and “donated, recycled, sold and also trashed” so much

There’s one thing that I’ve used the #5SecondRule to do that has increased my big picture focus like nothing else—being a “boss” about my mornings.

According to Ariely, the first two to three hours of the day are the best hours for your brain, once you fully wake up. So, if you pop out of bed at 6 a.m., your peak thinking and productivity window is 6:30 a.m. to 9 a.m.

destructive procrastination, which is when you avoid tasks you need to complete, and productive procrastination, which is an important part of any creative process.

For a long time, everyone believed procrastination meant poor time management skills, a lack of willpower, or lack of self-discipline. Boy, were we wrong. Procrastination is not a form of laziness at all. It’s a coping mechanism for stress.

The first thing research tells us: you need to forgive yourself for procrastinating. Seriously. This isn’t Kumbaya—this is science.

students who forgave themselves for procrastinating were less likely to procrastinate on their next test. Sounds silly, but part of the problem that psychologists have uncovered is that procrastinators are really hard on themselves to begin with.

And that person you hope to become can help you right now.

Interestingly, research proves that when you can picture the “Future You,” it gives you the objectivity to push yourself in the present moment.

guess that’s an explanation for why vision boards work. They help you envision the Future You and that is a great coping mechanism for the stress you experience today as the Present You.

Finally, once you understand the source of procrastination, Dr. Pychyl’s favorite advice is, “Just get started.”

If procrastinating is a habit, you have to replace the bad behavior pattern (avoidance) with a new positive one (getting started).

The moment you feel yourself hesitate, doing easier tasks, or avoiding hard work, use the Rule, 5- 4- 3- 2- 1 push yourself to start the important thing you need to do.

Procrastination makes you feel like you have no control over yourself. When you assert yourself and just get started, you are taking control of the moment and your life.

Each time you use the Rule, it’ll get easier and easier to stop procrastinating and just start. Just as Sy found out, telling yourself to “just make the call, reply the email, finish the stupid job…”

Even though she doesn’t like doing it, she’s formed the habit of taking action anyway—and has completed a huge project with this mindset and will “get what I want.”

The reason why just starting is so important is because you’ll also be tapping into what researchers call “the progress principle,” which describes the phenomenon that forward progress of any kind, including small wins, boosts our mood and increases our happiness and productivity levels.

Learning to take control of my mind, direct my thoughts, and dismantle fear has been the single greatest thing I have ever done to improve the quality of my life. I almost never feel worried. And the rare times that I do, I just, 5- 4- 3- 2- 1 and direct my mind towards the solutions rather than worrying about the problems. I have transformed my mind using the Rule

worry is an enormous waste of your precious and limited lifetime.”

my worrying “won’t solve anything.” It will just put me on edge for the entire time

worries and fear hijack your mind and rob you of the magic and wonder in your life.

Feeling grateful doesn’t just feel good. According to neuroscientist Alex Korb, it changes your brain chemistry by activating the brainstem region that produces dopamine.

It’s called “anxiety reappraisal.” Reframing your anxiety as excitement really works. It is as simple as it is powerful.

doesn’t actually lower the feelings surging through your body. It just gives your mind an explanation that empowers you. That way the nervous feelings do not escalate. You stay in control and the agitation in your body will start to calm down as you begin to move.

Nothing comes naturally until you practice it. That’s why I keep saying you must “practice” acts of everyday courage. You have the ability to improve, change or enrich every single aspect of your life—through action.

Even when what you need to do scares you to death, the Rule helps you take courageous action.

If you have the courage to take action, your confidence will follow. Every time you push yourself to speak when you’re nervous, act when you’re afraid, or get to the gym when you don’t feel like it, you realize that you can rely on yourself to get anything done.

How do you explore? Hire the best guide you can find: your curiosity. Your curiosity is how your instincts get you to pay attention to what your heart really cares about. If you can’t stop thinking something, make something your new hobby.

Silence is always the problem. Deciding not to say what you feel creates what researchers call “cognitive dissonance” between what you truly believe (in your heart) and what you actually do in the moment.

“Josh was the epitome of doing. He took his intentions and acted on them. After his death, we said that he lived life without hesitation.”