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I recognized a connection between the child abuse fear, the fear of the devil, and the throw up fear, but I couldn’t find a definitive reason. The only thing that made sense to me was that I was a bad person and deserved punishment from God. Wouldn’t I just know if it was something else? As
I felt jealous. Why can’t I be like everyone else and do anything I want without worrying about stupid repercussions of being a bad person?
Oh my God. Maybe it can happen. Can it happen? Aren’t people born gay? I don’t think they spontaneously turn gay?
Did that prove or disprove I really liked them? What if I would never get to have crushes on guys again because of this? What if I didn’t get to date guys again
Maybe you didn’t really have a good time? Maybe you are faking having a good time to pretend you aren’t supposed to be gay? Maybe you are in denial? If you really aren’t supposed to be gay, why
Am I aroused at this random lady on the television commercial? I think I felt something down there. Did something move? Was it really arousal or was it left over from me thinking about the guy? Or was it left over from me seeing the girl because she aroused me and I only thought the guy did? OH MY GOD!
It didn’t matter if it was man, woman, child, or animal, I couldn’t figure out who or what I was attracted to. I experienced anxiety looking at every living mammal crossing the screen. I felt the arousal reaction to everything and everyone. It was stupidly irrational and confusing, but convincing enough for me to stay in the cycle.
Why did she have to sit beside me? What if I think she is attractive? Did she think I sent out a vibe I was gay so she sat here? What if I look at her wrong and she thinks I am hitting on her? Why do I have these thoughts if I’m really not gay? Straight people don’t worry about these things, right? Oh my God, help.
He described how sometimes people who have ‘normal’ brains get thoughts they find intrusive or disturbing. When this happens, they have a puzzled or negative reaction, but reject the thought and dismiss it. After that initial thought, they do not react to it because they recognize it as ‘unwanted and bizarre’.
But on the other, frustration and anger simmered for the years I had lost to OCD.
Why did I panic when I saw her? What if I think she is attractive? What if all of
But, did my heart really jump in my chest when he smiled at me? Did I really feel that weak-kneed feeling? Was it real or did I imagine it? What if I faked it to pretend I liked it?
Therapy didn’t make the thoughts go away, it made you not react to the thoughts.
I was in awe of how this simple act of allowing the anxiety to just be there could have so much power over OCD.
OCD strikes the places in life you would never expect to be tested. It creates uncertainty in places you never believe doubt can find you.
OCD can be overcome. OCD can be managed. You can live a successful life with OCD. It is possible for anyone.
